Gratitude

I have had a very simple but satisfying day. I trained all morning from 6:30 to 12:30. Actually there were various circumstances that made my training schedule start later than I planned so I started training at 6:50. So there was a domino effect on all my subsequent sessions but I am blessed. I really have amazing clients. So had 5 unique and wonderful conversations with intelligent people all morning while making money and helping people. I have a great job.
This brings me back to gratitude. I am feeling so keenly aware of all I have to be grateful for. I have a job that I love that gets me to exercise. I've walked over 23,000 steps today. I also have a career that I love, scratch that, 2 careers. One of which is starting to make me money and the other I am just finding my sea legs. Which is a wonderful adventure. I am in the process of making a life not a living. Yet while I am finding my sea legs I am supported by an amazing group of people. Including some of my current clients and former, my friends, family. I was thinking today how simple my life is and how I'm really in this magical place of creation. I am just so grateful for all have and really, all I don't have. I love my life I really do.
It's so interesting to me too as I gain more clarity into the fact that you shouldn't (I hate that word) envy anyone else's life. You don't know what they've had to endure to get where they are or what is in their hearts. What haunts or hinders them. If they've living they're unspoken dreams. Do their hearts sing at night or their souls smile. Who or what they shed tears for. If they like having an empty bed or hate having a full one. You don't know.
So I'm grateful today and really at peace. I love and treasure the fullness and the emptiness of my life. And I wouldn't change a thing that got me here. It's all been a gift. The good, the bad and the ugly. I'm just grateful for this moment.

Dancing Machine!

Ha! I am amused by my own title, I guess as long as I'm amused...So I just came back from an audition for Escada for a commercial for their scent. Whew that felt like a mouthful. Anyway the breakdown was for featured party goers. So.. they call the waiting room full of us hopefuls, which at this moment was 13 and we all pile into this room. We're asked to ...now wait for it....Dance! On the spot in front of people you don't know, haven't met. Ah show biz. So it was like having a mini party in the middle of the afternoon. Everyone was dressed up, they played music, thank God! Sometimes on sets they don't play music and you have to dance anyway. It's hilarious in New York, actors and models are always carrying huge bags with a change of clothes because you can imagine we don't have cars to jump in and you can't wear down the street midday what you would wear at a club! Well you can but then you're setting yourself up for harassment big time!
So how did I do? I truly push all thoughts of my performance out of my head after I leave an audition. For one you could truly drive yourself crazy, two is, if the job is yours it's yours and that is that. But I did feel silly and I know I can dance and I'm not sure I represented that but.. I'm not the casting director and my part of the job is done until and unless they call me back. It would be awesome to get the gig though, they're shooting in a mansion in the Hamptons holla! It's weird because in this business you have to want it and want it bad but you also have to be able to detach yourself. It feels like a metaphor for life. Work towards something or everything you want but let go of the outcome. Ah some of my schoolings on Meister Eckhart are coming back to me. Yep but truly find the Joy in the detachment and the possibility. I mean what other job do you get to simulate a dance party in the middle of the day?! That's what I'm talking about!

The future is mind

Yes. I meant mind. The future is in your mind. The present is now and all we have. IT is truly a gift. We did not make it into the third round for the Wonderland Festival and I was disappointed but we did get distinguished from the pack and that in and of itself was exciting. You are Here productions did a great job running the festival and even more so because it was their first time. It was a wonderful experience and I had a great time. And that my dear is that. You can't ask for more or you can but simply there is not . In the end it's all memories.
I am enJOYing today immensely. I have an audition tomorrow and one on Monday. I am planning on spending my late afternoon into evening at the MOMA tomorrow, writing, filling the well. I love to go to the cafe there. I'm a member and it's so ridiculous not be if you live in the city. It's $75 and you're a patron to the arts, you can pop in at any time spend 20 minutes or three hours and get invited to previews. It's awesome.
I am getting ready to start finding my agent and manager. To finish writing my book aha you didn't know I was up to that did you?!? I am just ready to have a lazy summer (if you know me, you are laughing because that means I'll only work 6 days instead of 7) and bask in the joys of the city. For example Opera in the park next week! Oh I love the Opera! I saw Madama Butterfly with my Aunt in April and the very next day I saw La Traviata by myself. The set was breathtaking! (Both) It was all just so beautiful, unfortunately the favorite subject seems to be women dying young from broken hearts and diseases. But c'est la vie. They're killing us off and doing it beautifully. But as usual I digress. I am just settling into what feels like a new phase and I am embracing the possibilities that lay ahead but mostly I am embracing the beauty of this moment right now. Ciao.

Go see and be seen

So I went on a "go see" earlier today. I was amusing myself about the term (I am wont to do so, amuse myself that is). A Go see is what commercial models or print models call an audition. It’s not an audition because you don’t sing; dance, read lines etc you go and you are seen. Or you go and see if they like you. So it usually consists of a sign in process and you fill out your measurements, hopefully you’re wearing what you were told to wear in the breakdown. The breakdown is what the agent tells you about the project i.e. who it’s for what to wear, what they’re looking for, what it pays, what dates you need to be available etc. So the sheet that you filled your measurements on also has a number, that’s how they keep track of you and you attached you comp card or headshot. Comp cards are approximately a large postcard size and include pictures of you in a variety of poses outfits and what not. I’m more of an actor so I have a headshot but as I do more print work I will get a card printed up. I actually have the pictures I just haven’t made the expenditure. It’s a business and you know you gotta spend money to make money yadda yadda. So anyway, they take your picture in a couple of poses and voila you have gone and been seen.

I was amusing myself with the term Go see because couldn’t you call anything a go see? A job interview is a go see you go see if they like you and vice versa. Or a date is a go see, you go see if you like that person’s particular brand of crazy and vice versa. You see what I mean. I guess there’s honesty in the term. Anyway so I went and was seen and I saw and hopefully conquered. If you don’t get the job they do not call you at all. But here’s to hoping. Print work is good exposure and money and it's fun!

I have to say I have respect for the photographers and the casting people. To most it may seem like an easy job at least for the casting people they sit there and look at your pictures on the computer as the photographer takes them but I was #141 and they went up to 200 I think and that’s no joke. I have cast a play and two films and honey it is not easy. I’ll go into that further another time as we cast the mother’s for our short film (By our, I mean me and my partner’s production company Clean Slate Films). It’s exhausting and when we were casting earlier this year I realized one of the reasons it’s so tiring is everyone’s hopes and dreams are coming into that room. The dreams of the actors or models, the casting directors, the producers, directors etc, it’s a creative process and there is a lot of energy in the room. All the energy, of dreams and desires it is actually palpable. Then there is the photographer who is just almost always so nice and encouraging. I think it’s so important to be aware of all the people in the room and their jobs. (I almost there jobs and one of my biggest pet peeves is the incorrect use of there, they’re and their but I digress) A genuine smile, a thank you and NO attitude is absolutely necessary in this business. At that is my two and a half cents. Should I have said two and a hay penny? Ach. Leave it alone, No one should know how oddly my mind works oh except for you who I am apparently telling.

So…I performed today. It was our second round at the Wonderland Festival. We find out tonight if we’re going to the third round. OH my chest constricts when I say it. I get so excited and mildly fearful. Really actors are a sick lot. I was talking about it behind the scenes with my fellow actor’s minutes before we went on. We were all slightly giddy and doing our breathing exercises and jerky, we got to much energy movements. I had the fear or adrenaline in my body and said to someone, you will have to explain to me one day why I can feel like this and still keep wanting to do this. Of course it’s rhetorical because I’m under the impression that we all feel the same. The fire raging up through our bodies and all this energy and excitement and then boom you’re on stage and it’s magic. It really is. I love it so much I could actually cry. I’m not kidding I’m sitting in front of my computer with tears in my eyes. Well I think that answers my own question. It’s a deep joy apparently the kind that makes you cry. Well I am grateful for the opportunity to feel scared then and everything else that comes with it. I’ll check back with you later to tell you if we made it to the third round! Cross your fingers!!

Tired dang it!

I'm tired. I trained all morning and then I took a several hour nap. I think I've finally succumbed to allergies. It felt like it wanted to become a sinus infection and all I can say is ...Hell no! I had my first (to my knowledge) sinus infection a couple of months ago and it was debilitating. I was out for a week and couldn't work but still had to make rehearsals of course, show must go on and all that jazz. You know you love this business when you've got a fever, can't breathe, severe body aches etc to the point where you can't work (i.e. pay the rent! And hello it's New York) and yet can drag yourself to rehearsal. It's love really it is.
So tomorrow I have a go see for Pharma, I would love to do more print work. I freelance with Lauren Green agency as of right now. I don't get sent out as often as I would like but I'm hoping that will change very soon. I am all in all very happy, healthy and feeling blessed! Ooh yes and we go up tomorrow at 6pm fro the second round of the festival! The playwright who is also a fellow actress is excited. She is really a phenomenal artist. I am so happy to be working with her and this talented cast. I am so psyched! The whole cast is psyched, here's to dare I say... the third round?!? Let's see for now I am just so grateful to keep doing what I love. Ciao.

Second Round Baby!

So we made it into the second round! Whoohoo! I am very excited about that! We go up Wednesday at 6pm. So out of 60 play ours was chosen to be a part of the 20 going up Tuesday and Wednesday at Theatre Row. I really am thrilled. We worked hard and dealt with scheduling glitches but we made it. We had to go to this bar called Mean Fiddler to await the announcement as there were people whose plays had just gone up today to complete the first round. so I just got home a little while ago. I started training my clients at 8am which is late for me and of course I still have this insomnia thing happening. I have to get up at 5:45 tomorrow to train clients and by the time I hit 11am I will have trained 4 people going on the fifth!So I am exhausted already. C'est la vie. I live a good life.
I had a premiere party and screening earlier with the director of a film I did last October at the imagine Asian cinema. He's an brilliant artist, Mumtaz Hussain. It was for a film he did prior but I got to see the trailer for our film. It's ALL very thrilling! I feel the momentum and I am ready to ride this wave! I'm gonna start getting ready for bed. Ciao!

Taking in the Rain

It rained today not for the whole day, but almost exactly as I and weather.com predicted at 4pm. I was training a client in the park and it was wonderful oddly enough. Odd that it was wonderful because I'm not necessarily fond of the rain. But I think it was lovely today, drizzling slowly washing away my concerns, my fears, my worries. The rain did not start coming down hard until 6pm when I was safely under an umbrella and on my way indoors. It was nice to be with the rest of the city folk refusing to go inside until completely forced to do so. We had a wonderful tree that offered us shade so we could do abs etc under the tree on the yoga mat. I walked home in the rain, letting each droplet talk to me. I felt like I was being told to enjoy where I am right now. There is a delicious whisper of creation in the air. I am laying the foundation for the life I want. I allowed the day to be what it was... a rainy Sunday. Slow paced, sleepy, slippery Sunday.
I am going to submit my headshot and get a start on the week. I am going to find a manager and agent this week or they will find me. That is my intention. I had a great Sunday and I am going to have a fantastic week. Blessings. Ciao.

Simply Saturday

I had a really nice evening but I did not venture to Brooklyn as was my original plan. I met up with an old friend and went to a nice Macrobiotic restaurant Soen. It’s nice to see old friends, see how you’ve changed or haven’t changed and vice versa. This is/was a friend whom I particularly respect, not that I keep around ones that I don’t but, we were always able to have healthy, interesting discussions or arguments. I love to be around intelligent people who can carry a conversation, exchange ideas, have an opinion and yet still allow room for you to have yours. Also I like to be around people who have the capacity to talk about more than one subject. I mean I love acting and movies and all that but you know there is a lot more going on out there than just that. I mean I need a well rounded life and circle of friends.

So I also really wanted to get to Brooklyn to see my friend play but alas all the ships had sailed and I could not make it to the land of Brooklyn. Actually I am a bit of a Manhattan bound girl. It’s terrible but true. I rarely “do” the outer borough’s. Except some years back when I was dating someone who lived in Williamsburg. I was crazy about him and crazy in love and well that was enough of a reason to go to Brooklyn. Unfortunately we were both crazy together but that is another story and will not be told here. When my friends move to the boroughs I tell them I love them and I will miss them. To take care and don’t forget to write. I may make it out for one visit but that’ll probably be the last of it and that it was good knowing them. I think it’s a real phenom of the city. For example if you live on the west side it’s a real pain in the “bleep” to get to the East side and oh forget it if you live on East End or York (which I did for a very brief period) you are actually better off living in Queens. It is actually easier to get to. But I digress.

I was actually going to kill two birds with one stone, my friend I went to dinner with lives in Brooklyn so I was going to venture in, have dinner and see my other friend play…I’m terrible. I was trying to get in all my Brooklyn excursions in one fell swoop. Phooey I have exposed my intentions and now I almost feel bad. I don’t feel too bad because this aspect of me is not one that I have ever hid. I am a born and raised New Yorker on the Isle of Manhattan kind of gal. I was born at Beth Israel Medical Center and raised for the most part in Manhattan. Don’t get me wrong there are beautiful and historical parts of Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island and The Bronx and I don’t necessarily mind visiting upon occasion it’s just very rare. Mostly the getting back to the city that’s the issue not the going, especially if it’s a night time excursion. I just don’t do public transport past a certain hour anymore. One, because I no longer believe I am invincible and two, because I can’t deal with … I just can’t deal. Also it becomes a fortune in cabs which for some reason I didn’t used to care about but now I rather not. Anyhoo, I gotta go to sleep I’ve been writing to you and interlocuting on IM with my Papa in Tanzania and it’s time to put this day to sleep. Ciao.