Sweet Truth

I had a simple epiphany today, one I'm sure or at least I hope I will have again, it was and is to be grateful for what we don't receive. The person we thought we couldn't live without but surely could live without us. The job we thought would make or break us. The glory or acceptance we crave or craved. The acknowledgment for an idea or a job well done or the truth we lament over never receiving. A kindness not repaid, or for that matter a bill. The friend, the lover, the house or car we desired but did not get. I am grateful for not receiving those things I thought I wanted. Because surely someone knows better what I need, surely in the grander, greater picture and puzzle that is the piecing together of my life I will know why things had to be the way they are, the way they turn, the way they turned. What I can't see because it's before me I can't know is better for me, more fulfilling and full of greater riches and joy than what is behind me. You cannot lose what is yours, you cannot hold what is not, you cannot fail on this road. If you look deep and lay bare what you see you cannot fail. You may hurt but you will not fail. I'm grateful for all I do not have. I have the room for all I need.

Reflexions

I want the word reflexion to be a reflection of how we can mean the same thing but propose it different ways, spell it, spew it, mold and bend, refract and reflect it back to one another. I am not feeling 100%, got sniffles and grogginess overtaking me. I'm feeling a touch melancholy but I'm not entirely sure why. It could just be because my body is powering down to deal with my lack of wellbeing. I did get my workout in today, ran and lifted weights for a total of an hour an a half. I like to think the run did me good and the sweating. I didn't work out yesterday. I shoot for working out everyday so I can cut myself some slack, shoot for 7 days get 5 or 6. It works for me.

Anyway, I was thinking about how we reflect back to each other. Or do we? Is what you see in another a reflection of yourself? Or who you were or can be? I believe we draw people to us because we have lessons to teach each other. I also believe we draw in others to become grateful for what we have. To see the grass is indeed not greener. Or even if it still appears to be greener it comes with it's own host of bugs and weeds and growing cycles and periods of harvest and times of fallow. I've been trying to listen to people and pick through what they tell me and what they really mean. When one is making I am statements, I am this way, I am that way are they trying to edify you or themselves? Are they trying to gain clarity or give clarity? So I turn it on me as always. When I tell someone about myself using I am statements how much of it is just clarification to me? And is it even really us or our version of ourself we are trying to project? The version we think is fun or palatable or what? It's all a version of ourselves. A snapshot.

I looked up reflexion and the dictionary says: reflexion - the phenomenon of a propagating wave (light or sound) being thrown back from a surface. So are we telling a story of ourselves and seeing if we like the way it looks when we tell it? And when it bounces back to us has it not changed through the lens of the person, the "surface" we have sent it out to? I suppose this could be just philosophical garbage but I am wondering about it. Sometimes it sounds as if someone is trying to form themselves by what they tell you. It may not be true yet but they're hoping that it will be when it gets refracted back to them. It will change and the version they told you will become the version they can now see. Perhaps through the lens of your eyes. I don't know. I'm just pondering. I'll probably check back in tonight.

Hot Town, Summer in the City

This my dear friends is just the beginning of the summer. Even though memorial day is the unofficial start of the summer and all that jazz. Sumer really only began last Thursday. Apparently the sun got the notice and I am afraid I may not make it....On top of all of that I've got the hot humidity outside/ frigid air conditioning inside (god bless it I am not complaining!) sniffles It is, to use a fairly unimaginative word but I think quite apt, absolutely disgusting outside. I stopped to talk to a friend outside, after buying some ice cream, shrimp and hot sauce, not for the same meal but sounds interesting doesn't it?

So I was talking to my friend, with whom I almost did a play, he had a conflicting schedule unfortunately but I do want to work with him in the future. Anyway and I was dripping sweat off my nose that was accumulating around my sunglasses!! Sexy huh!?! But the real tragedy was my Ice Cream was melting! That is an egregious crime I kid you not. Notice the Ice Cream is capitalized. I am very serious about my Ice Cream, I feel very strongly about it, I think God did a good thing in creating ice Cream and I believe in it with all my heart. I have very serious rules surrounding it and it's consistency and what is appropriate regarding Ice Cream etc. I will not tolerate any badmouthing of Ice Cream and I understand some people are lactose intolerant etc and eat frozen yogurt, or soy or rice based frozen dairy desserts and I feel for you. But it is not Ice Cream which a very important and lovely food group. I think I have made myself clear and that is all.

So I am trying to picture the rest of the summer if this is our introduction and as I said before I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm already hiding out indoors and oh my God the subways I just can't. I don't care if it takes me twice as long to get anywhere I am taking the bus, it's just too gross to go down there and when you emerge you look like hell. You it makes you want to carry a towel with you (and some people do) but mostly though it just makes you mad. It's hard to be nice and congenial when you're dripping sweat with thousands of other people. Hmm yummy. I am done with the imagery. I am going to take my sniffling self to my air conditioned bedroom where I can watch my sitcoms and eat my Ice Cream with great joy. Let's hope for a break in the heat and this is the woman going to Africa in August?! I used to think I was a bright girl...

My Dancing Feet!

I had quite simply a blast as I write here at 3:30 in the morning. I danced the evening away at Tavern on the Green, met some awesome people, oh but before all that a torrential downpour occurred while we were outside and the party moved indoors and that was just fine with me. But as I was thinking about being good and going home, we ran into some other people some from the Hampton's, some new and guess where everyone was going? So one of the girls had a town car with a driver so we piled in, sat on each other laps and it was off to Pink Elephant my new favorite club! I have to tell you I am a sucker for some good music. I simply love to dance! I don't need one lick of champagne just give me some god beats and I'm on my way!
So we got in right quick, straight to the VIP section and I danced and danced and used some of the ab exercises I did earlier. Anyway so 3 hours later, I was only going to stay 'till 2, but the DJ apparently had other ideas. But the truth is I don't go to sleep that early anyway even when I'm supposed to be up at the crack of dawn. And I rarely go out especially on a week night. It's practically a school night! I sort of feel like I'm pleading my case. But I just wanted to check in and say Life is good, Life is really good. Joie de Vivre! I truly love my life! Avez vous le bonne reve! Ciao.

Swimming Through the City

It feels like a bathtub outside but without the pleasure of your rubber ducky and unfortunately you're sharing to tub with approximately 8 million people. Yum! I feel like I'm wading through the heat, it's debilitating. So I am off to a party at Tavern on the green with a friend and then off to Pink Elephant(in the city) apparently it's all about the elephants the past few days. I also expect to witness actual elephants in August in Tanzania although probably not of the pink variety. I think I can make that assertion.

I'm balancing my life with work, training, submitting my head shot, writing and working out and a little more play. I'm not usually quick to learn my lessons but the last six months or rather 8 months with focusing on working on plays, a TV show, 3 films and trying to produce and star in another film just to have to postpone it taught me something about balance. Or so I'd like to think. So speaking of balance? Okay I won't pretend it's a segue. I watched another episode of my TV show " Tempting Joanna" tonight. It's so much fun to watch. We still haven't had what could be called an entire episode but my characters were introduced so Yay! I have to run out to meet my friends but I will touch base later. Ciao!

Honesty...

Is such a lonely word. That Billy Joel song has been in my head for the last day or so, it's really been resonating with me. I've been contemplating the various aspects of honesty. I guess since I wrote about the being honest with yourself in my Fit Chic blog. I dunno I place a high value on honesty, I feel it has a lot to do with your integrity and my integrity is extremely important to me. I try to not lie even about little things, I just stay out of situations that I would feel inclined to lie or find a way to communicate in a way that is truthful but not unkind. I think that may be a real motivating factor for many to lie, the fear of repercussions of the truth and the desire to not hurt the other person. But in truth if you've done something that you feel would hurt someone haven't you already lied? Or if you do something knowing you wouldn't wish it to be done to you? Haven't you already compromised your integrity? Or if you do something not realizing that it may hurt another than isn't the truth the way out?

I am contemplating these things. If you take radical personal responsibility for everything in your life then if someone isn't honest with you, for example, I ask myself where have I been lying to myself? Did I create an unsafe environment for that person to tell the truth? Or did I lie to myself that this person could be trusted? Or if am I lying to myself in some area in my life and this is the reflection of it in another? Perhaps it's some variation and percentage of all of the above. I wonder about it because if we find ourselves not being honest with even our food intake (to reference back to my fitness blog) or our true exercise quota even to ourselves than where else are we dropping the ball and what are we missing out on? If we lie to ourselves about our shortcomings, or our responsibility to our own happiness, if we place blame and lay fault everywhere but ourselves than are we lying about our motives in friendships and relationships?

The word motive sounds contrived and almost devious as though we are arriving on our lovers doorsteps with agendas and our friendships with a to do list and a planner. But aren't we on some level always operating with a motive? I recently had a conversation with a friend and in retrospect the basis of most of our/their conversations were about who they were "in trouble " with. In other words who was displeased with them and why etc and arguing of their "case". Upon a further conversation where calculations were being made to determine how mad this other person would be if they were this many minutes late and based on when so and so called were they still within the time frame of not being "in trouble". And I said to my friend so everything is based on and around whether or not you are in trouble and my friend, who is exceptionally bright, was honest, admitted this and was able to pinpoint where exactly when such behavior started.

As an actress these moments are gold, when you really get behind what motivates a person, why they say the things they do and frankly everything a person does has an underlying motive. Even friendships, relationships, honesty or lack thereof are motivated by some desire to be loved or act out some belief that they can't be loved, or to be seen a certain way or rebel against an image, or be seen as an honest person or not get in trouble or... and on and on. Honesty ultimately is an integrity issue. It's just fascinating to think about how it shows up or doesn't, and who is daring enough to be honest about their intentions and motives, without being unkind or who is just wading through lies they are telling to themselves and any unfortunate soul unlucky enough to get near their silver tongue. And of course, where is the unlucky liee being dishonest about their needs or wants and desires or lacking in integrity to be around someone who is lying to them, because you gotta take responsibility for your life. Even and especially the people who show up in your life with their integrity in tow or not. You called them into your life for a reason to show where you are or show you where you're not. I'm pondering this and I'm intrigued by these ideas, questions and quite simply fascinated, honestly.

Swirling Pink Elephants

Whew! What a weekend! I had so much fun and rest and relaxation while never really "resting" for any long period of time. There was just a wonderful relaxed pace to the days. Saturday was a blast obviously if I'm only get beck to you now. We went to the Love Heals benefit at Luna Farm it was very fun. The event was tented, thank goodness as it really cool that night the outdoor tables were not used very much except perhaps by the people who wore pants or maxi dresses. but the night was beautiful nonetheless. There were about 6 of us gals all decked out and beautiful (if I do say so myself) it was quite a site to see as we are all very different looking, it was a veritable potpourri of ladies.

It was a BBQ style event so hot dogs, burgers, ribs and pulled pork were some of the staples. I have to say I saw and ate more than my share of hot dogs this weekend. In fact I have had more hot dogs this weekend than I've had in 8 years when I swore them off because they make me ill, except if I go to a baseball game where they still make me sick but I mean you have hafta have a dog at the game! I mean come on, healthy eating or not, right is right. So back to the event, the DJ was hopping and we were dancing up a storm when we weren't making laps around the tent and even then we were still dancing. We left around 10:30 for one what would be 4 stops for the night. As we left they were handing Scoop bags with goodies inside, Scoop was one of the sponsors for the Love Heals benefit.

As our night continued we went to a house party where one of the treats included watermelon shots and brownies (not necessarily together although I suppose you could if you are so inclined) and general fun around the pool. Absolutely gorgeous night, although when not sandwiched between the handsome men surrounding us it was definitely chilly. From there it was time to continue shaking our groove thang at Pink Elephants. The ladies I was rolling with had juice at the door and we were let right in and given bracelets for the VIP room. We joined up with some of the people we had met earlier in the night and the music was hot. I definitely was wearing more alcohol on me than in me but that was fine, everyone was having fun and dancing on the tables on the banquets, it was definitely the place to be! We finally went home around 5 am and around 11am it was time to greet the pool and continue working on my tan.

Some of the people had the house had gone to other parties or had shish kabob and vino etc at the house and then went out. Everyone was in great spirits even though it was Sunday and the weekend was drawing to a close. I met such great people at the house and out and about. My last stop was seeing the sunset at Sunset beach our friends from the night before had a table when we got there so I sipped Pellegrino (tanning makes you parched) and had some delicious Striped Bass while others had a lovely blush wine and a variety of mussels, ceviche and other delicacies. Many of the people from the night before were also taking in the sunset and stopping by saying hello. All in all in it was a beautiful weekend. I got really clear on some changes I want to make to my lifestyle i.e. all work and no play makes Lise a very dull girl, all work and no play makes...I think you get my drift through the creepy "The Shining" reference. So here's to the Hampton's I get now the beauty and deliciousness of having respite from the city so nearby. Hopefully the first of many beautiful weekends to come before Safari Afrika Ya! Ciao.