Auditions, Commercials and Films, OH MY!

So the last couple of days has been awesome, actually this was my kind of week. I started out with filming a short film and wrapped it up with shooting a spec commercial for Heinz. It was a great week! I worked with mazing people on both jobs and had so much fun. The commercial was a blast and silly. The theme was Heinz Ketchup but in a bar so it was all about the Heinz instead of liquor. So I was able to bring my bartending experience to the forefront. The director and producers/actresses were awesome and so receptive to my ideas. That meant so much to me. I have produced a film and play and I have great ideas. I feel really blessed by it and when I am heard and appreciated it means so much to me. I know I can really add to a project because I have a true collaborative spirit. I equate it with jazz riffing. You just get in there and the creative juices start flowing. You just vibe off the moment and other people's ideas. The goal is to make the project the best it can be and through that we all win.

The producers who were also the main actresses were awesome, so creative and receptive, real team players. It was so wonderful to be around people who genuinely took in the ideas and incorporated them. Also I got credit for the ideas and the director and the producers thanked me . I guess we all just want to recognized for our work and our contribution to the work. I find myself time and again coming back to the idea, this craft is not a one person gig. For one, it's too much work and to be frank you just don't and can't do it on your own. It's just not the way this medium works. Even if you just bounce ideas off someone and they respond and give you feedback, it ain't just you doing the work! It was a great day, I mean really awesome met some great people. I am also becoming really aware of how creative I am and how I need to one, know that and two, be in an environment were people are secure enough to take it in and really want the project as a whole to be better not just a showcase for them to say I did that all by my lonesome.

Anyway I met a really awesome woman at the gig today. She and I were totally riffing on a screenplay idea so we exchanged #'s and we're going get together to make it happen. I think it's genius, she came up with the idea and then I ran with it and we batted it back and forth, all before 9am. But, we'll have to see. I tend to think people are as honest as I am. Sometimes people say they want to collaborate but really not so much, but the beauty is you learn and it's called a contract. You learn from the experience and maybe you to pay in time and money, but the experience itself is a stepping stone. I call it life's tuition baby. You play, you win. You play, you lose. You play. That's a quote from a beautiful book called The Passion by Jeanette Winterson an absolutely lovely book and that line just sums up a lot in life and in this business. I love that book so much that it literally is in two pieces and practically every other page is dogeared! The only other book I have had in literally two pieces is Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurty. Wow I get misty just mentioning the book. I fell in love with the characters and they've been with me ever since and I read the book like eons ago. He is a beautiful writer.

I also had a great audition yesterday and I have to reiterate I love auditioning. I am a crazy person apparently. No I just truly love what I do and yes of course I get butterflies but I am so grateful to be doing what I love. I mean just knowing in your heart what you love and then doing it is a freaking blessing and I so grateful to even have the chance to don a character, try her on and walk around in her shoes for a minute. So whether I get it or not. I met the director and the writer and who knows, if not that project maybe another. It's a small community and you keep running into the same people, so we'll see. I got an audition next Wednesday I'm really excited (and nervous) about but otherwise I got a lot of writing to do and getting ready for my trip to Africa. Life is delicious, did you know?

Movies and Books

I am an avid reader and I am one of those people who takes offense when someone equates watching a movie with reading the book. I suppose it's somewhat arrogant of me but I think it's deceptive to say you've read a book when in fact you have not. They are both wonderful mediums for telling a story but not interchangeable. I just saw The Way of the Peaceful Warrior a fantastic movie in its message. I read the book sometime ago and it is definitely one of those books I quote from, recommend to people constantly and find myself giving away my copy of all the time. The film is considered to be in the genre of spiritual cinema , a niche that is gaining in popularity whit movies such as Conversations with God and What the Bleep do we Know etc(Article). I have to tell you I love movies that make me want live a better life, that keenly get me right into the present moment and movies that make me want to read! What a unique quality in a movie, the movie made me want to go read the book again. I started with saying that it's not the same as the movie because as great as the movie is you cannot capture in an hour and a half all the messages of a book. Many but not all. Although of course you can appeal to a much larger audience and perhaps draw people to a book that will change their lives (and it will) that would not otherwise be exposed to it.

I actually also love books that make me want to read more books as well as movies that make me want to read more books. For example, Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code made me what to study the masons, the Templars, government history, Roman history. I wanted to travel and hole myself up in a library all at the same time. That's what good books are made of by my account. Anne Rice's book have similar effects on me "Vittorio the Vampire" made me want to go get Ovid's Metamorphosis which I did and Cry to Heaven made me want to study the history of Opera and falsettos, eunuchs and the history of Napoli and Florence as the epicenter of Opera at one time. The Way of the Peaceful Warrior made me want to go read books on meditation and Buddha, for some reason and finally take up some martial art. When a book or a movie makes you hunger for knowledge and savor the moment of life you're currently living you have struck gold. Dan Millman's book The Way of the Peaceful Warrior did that to me it definitely altered the course of my life. The movie really touches upon some of the pivotal moments in the book in a visual and profound way. But oddly enough and this is coming from the woman who is an actress I prefer the book. As a little girl, you usually would find me deep into a book, I actually used to walk around the streets of Manhattan literally with a book up to my face reading. My mother was none too pleased as she feared for my life and my eyesight. I am happy to say I have my life, my eyesight not so much.

On the flip side you would find me trying to overcome my painful shyness by acting and becoming any character that struck my fancy. I find myself torn between my love of books and movies. which makes it very obvious why I am an actress and a writer, a movie lover and an avid reader. One of my favorite things to do though is watch the behind the scene and for this particular movie I felt more invested even because I care about the book so much and it was obvious the film makers did as well. I love the way they put so much of themselves into the production and staying true to the book in so many ways impressed me. Lately when I watch these behind the scenes footage I find myself being keenly aware of how much I accomplished on the film I was producing and also how little we really knew. There is so much work that goes into telling a story visually, so many people crafting and adding and shaping the story into what it eventually becomes. It is like a finely cooked meal with dozens of chefs. Acting and producing a movie, essentially collaborating really takes a lot of trust and a willingness to grow and allow people to add to your work, to guide and shape a story together.

The Way of the Peaceful Warrior tells you to go within for your answers to find that still place within you that guides you and leads you. To be still and be detached and happy in this moment because it's all you have. The future doesn't exist and the past is over. I find it interesting that I am drawn to this kind of message and also have picked careers that force me to be in the moment and also put myself into the hands of others so I can learn to detach and trust. I can learn to be happy whether I am valued and appreciated and happy whether I am used and taken for granted. My joy cannot be attached to either because I am not in control of anything other than my relationship to it. It is delicious that with all the my current trials and joys I find myself led back to Dan Millman's movie/book. In fact it is perfect. The moment, the book and the movie, all perfect in its own right.

Blessings they are Abounding!

I feel like I should start a sermon with a post title like that but in truth I'm just vibing off an awesome day. It's so interesting to me how I can have 4 hours of sleep but put me on a set and I'm just not tired unlike anything else I do. Don't get me wrong i love my clients and most certainly I'm blessed to be able to call many of them my friends and I genuinely enjoy training them etc but it's nothing compared to the joy I feel acting. It's another echelon of feeling. The surge of energy that goes through your body I can only describe it thus, it's electricity and it's definitely charged. It's also so wonderful when you work with amazing people.

The cast and crew were phenomenal not just in terms of the energy and down to the earth vibe but just hard working without drama. And of course there was drama...IT's a film of course there's drama! But it was minimal, the P.A.'s didn't show, which was so not cool but the director/actress/writer/producer was awesome and very composed. Gracious and genuinely kind, and there were no diva's or divo's on the set which was also wonderful. No one was like where's my coffee and you know, the energy was very laid back. I have to attribute that to the person at the helm. No one was taken for granted, i.e. our time and I am starting to see something about inspiring people in a way that they are happy to work for you. There's something to that I think it comes down to being genuine.

It was a great day. The Dp was awesome, the crew as I mentioned. The boom guy I've worked with before and we couldn't figure out on what until I sat down at this big long table and we both got it. It was a film I worked on last year, where I played an FBI agent, called "Butterfly Screams". I was playing an attorney this go around but it was the sitting at a big official table that brought it back. Anyway that brings me back to the PA's not showing, in this business, it's a small community it's like cutting your nose off to spite your face. Also I believe I worked with the woman who played the opposing counsel. We didn't pin point it we were too busy having amazing metaphysical conversations.

It's great to be around people who talk the talk AND walk the walk. I think with that last statement I just had an epiphany, you draw people to you who are of like mind ( I know that but sometimes it hits you). But sometimes you can caught up with who just talk the talk, no judgments, they're not there yet but they think they are. It's very interesting or perhaps they're trying but they're using the words but not the actions. You know do unto to others as you would have done unto you as so forth. Sometimes it seems I have to get hit on the head to see what's been right in front of my face, all the signs. You also have to pay attention to who and what people are bringing to them. If it's consistent it's probably not a fluke. As usual I digress, today was one of those days when the stars are just lined up and everything was grooving amidst the setbacks which is the way it should be. If it's right in your heart it'll shine through the dark times. So those are some of the blessings going on today. I'm just really feeling things are back on the road I had not felt under my feet for a little while. It's all good lessons and "hard times" teach you and you get really appreciative when you're appreciated through word and action.

I love this work I truly do. It didn't hurt that I was coming off such an amazing weekend of inspiration in the choice of movies in my repertoire. Good times, I really feel the blessings abounding! Hallelujah! I'm gonna bask in it, the peaks and the valleys, they're all yummy in their own way.

Movie Mania

Watching movies, making movies!? Fun fun Fun! I have seen two amazing movies, 3 really. Pursuit of Happyness, Black Snake Moan and Volver. I was totally blown away with each one by the level of commitment each had shining through it. And the stories whether they were true or were parables, and even the true story told like a parable, they were so moving. The acting the directors... hello Pedro Almodovar, it would be worth it to learn Spanish just to be dream of the possibility of working with him. The man loves women! His female characters are so rich and complex, they are not 2 dimensional in any way. You feel the love exuding from his characters and his film.

Then of course the Pursuit of Happyness come on? How do you not love it? A man triumphing over circumstance and driven by the love for his child?! I really can't tell what that does for my heart. It reaches into my gut and floods my soul, but especially, especially because he sought to break the chain. That spoke to me the most. I have said since I was a little girl I am going to break the chain of pain in my family, through the generations of women. I am choosing not to get into it here, not yet, not now. But I will have to suffice it to say it resonated with me, deeply. And on top of all that thew director an Italian director, Gabriele Muccino, essentially learning English on set, explaining to the Americans what the American dream is because he can see it more clearly than we do? Simply fabulous and then to top that off he directed "Ultimo bacio L' ", The last kiss, in Italy/Italian. I have not seen yet, but will and have been planing on it since seeing the American version of The Last Kiss which was based on it and was phenomenal. I would love to work with him as well. It's all very intertwined.

I've already gushed about Black Snake Moan but then to follow that with Volver, well I have to tell you it's been a banner weekend and then tomorrow I get to be a short film that came by me in quite a magical way. The stars are lining up and to be so inspired by these beautiful movies, with fantastic writers, directors, actors and producers and the level of commitment and respect everyone seemed to have for one another it just, well it warms the heart. This is the work I am gearing for this is the work I am on the road to doing and I am inflamed.

Sweet Dreams

I've been getting inspired. I had rehearsal today for the film "Canine Custody" we're filming on Monday. I have to say I love this work more than anything. It truly fills my soul. I even enjoy auditioning. I know most actors hate it. I'm not saying that it's not wonderful to just have a role given to you but having done some casting I know that just isn't how it works. It happens of course but I love auditioning because it's a chance, an opportunity to try on a character. I love just being really present in that room and giving it all you got and being part of the creation of this character. Even if you're not whom they choose you are part of creating the character. Sometimes just in not being right for it, you're helping the casting people, director, producers etc get clear on what they don't want, and therefore on what they do want. Or you could be close and that helps get them closer. Or you could be it and that's just icing on that yummy cake I call my sweet dream. It's just wonderful to be following my dream. I had that audition on Friday and it felt good, that's where that little diatribe came from.

Today we had rehearsal and I realized that this is what I want to wake up for, that and writing. It's just coming together with fellow artists and creating something together, a sculpture out of clay but we're the clay. It feels so good and to be in the room with humble people, artists bringing it to the table. I was watching Black Snake Moan just a little while ago and I have to say I loved the movie. The metaphors, the acting, the message and the work everyone put into it. I really want to do gritty revealing work like that, stuff I believe in. It got me thinking about the film " The Visit" I was producing, that's been postponed, and all your heart that goes into a project. Really and literally your soul, as an actor, as a producer. If you're doing both like I was on that project you put everything on the line your work (the pays the bills kind), your name, your time, your trust, your dreams for yourself, the project and everyone involved. The thing is I love this work. I love telling the story, finding the story, creating the story! I have a deep passion for it. It was great watching the behind the scenes of Black Snake Moan and everyone really collaborated, they worked with each other. It looked like they didn't take for granted that you don't make a film by yourself, you can't. Even a one man show takes other people. It's interesting I thought about how today looking around the table at rehearsal, I was thinking about how we are all coming together to tell this story and every single one of us is necessary and integral to the whole. Not just the actors or the writer but also the director,DP, the crew and even the location, everything is conspiring to tell the story.

I am dreaming of working on this film and others in the future. I'm dreaming about being valued and really collaborating, not just words, and how much that really feeds my soul. I know and believe it's possible. I know I will do work like Black Snake Moan, that I am really proud of. Where I am allowed and encouraged to bring my creativity to the table AND be recognized for it. These are my dreams, these are the dreams of many actors, artists. I know my dream will be reality. I feel it in my soul.

Thriving Thursday

Alright I've decided to just give in and indulge my love of the alliteration. Why fight it? They come easily to me and rather than sitting here racking my brain for a clever non alliterative post title I figure go with the flow don't fight it young lady! So It was a great Thursday even though I was boasting very little sleep. I was so tired last night but I could not go to sleep to save my life. I guess I get caught up in the various things I have to do and then my brain starts running rampant and wind down time and...you see where this is going don't you. Honestly I sometimes find myself very exhausting. But luckily I love myself so I choose to not break up with me. Instead I choose to accept my faults and instead resolve to give up coffee for the umpteenth time. The problem is I don't have many vices I don't really drink, smoke or do any other fun stuff. Adam Ants song don't drink, don't smoke what do you do, flitters across my brain. And like that with one fell swoop I just aged myself or professed a scary love for 80's music, either way I'm not telling. But I feel almost like I have to have a vice and sadly insomnia does not seem to qualify. Ah phooey, and there it is I'm truly a nerd and hence the need for a vice. I mean who says phooey other me?... and my fellow nerdians.

So I will start a new paragraph to see if I can escape the diatribe that ran away with me above. I had two auditions today and as of this posting I have been cast in one of the roles! Yeehaw! The film is called "Canine Custody" and I play an attorney for the husband who is trying to gain custody of the beloved dog. One of the wonderful aspects to getting this job, outside of the fact that the portion of the script I have read (I am awaiting its entirety) is excellent and the lead actress/producer was really just so kind and gracious, but the crowning part is they were looking to cast a man for the role at first and the role I had originally submitted for was cast before I was able to audition! Ergo and forthwith and what not, they changed the role to a woman after seeing me. I am feeling so blessed at this moment I am full of joy!!!

Alright, I am sooo happy and its a comedy. I love comedy as you may know if you've been with me for any period of time, I am a self proclaimed sitcom whore. What can I say, give me a good, well written sitcom with actors with superb comedic timing and I am riveted. My favorites at the moment are "Girlfriends", "Dharma and Greg" and always "Scrubs" but I am taking a hiatus from "Scrubs" because they only show a limited release of seasons and I can quote entire episodes, okay so I exaggerate but I don't want to overload on them, kind of like too much good chocolate it would be a shame to overindulge. One of my dreams is to be on Scrubs which would be great considering it's their last season coming up and I believe filming begins in August. well I just put it out there in the universe and who knows. No matter what I would love to work with several of the cast members in the future. So I also went on a go-see for Makari cosmetics today. I didn't meet the height requirements but as the job I got today testifies you never know, just stay open and appreciative for the opportunity to be seen and to even be doing what you love. Lord knows I am and they said they needed someone, an actress with teleprompter experience for future projects and well I'm your lady. So I will end on this positive note. I want to go read my script... we film on Monday and rehearse on Saturday and I have another audition tomorrow...Hallelujah! Life is truly delicious.

Fireworks Baby!

What is it about fireworks that turns us all into 5 year olds? There is something about the rumbling and the explosions that turn grown and sometimes hardened and bitter new yorkers into glib and wide eyed children if even for only 30 mins. We all stare in wonder at the colors in the sky. Oohs and Ahhs escape our lips and various murmurs of pleasure. People turn to one another and exclaim cool and wow to complete strangers that moments ago were potential thieves to be eyed with suspicion and if not thieves certainly potential view blockers!

This year I did not have to fight the multitudes for a piece of sidewalk to watch the festival of lights. I had procured the ultimate in 4th of July festivities in New York, the party on the east side with a view. One of my awesome house mates in the Hampton's a few weeks ago invited myself and many of the others to a 4th of July party. It was on the 16th floor of an apartment in Murray Hill just two avenues away from the east river and boasting a balcony no less. It was a fun party and everyone was very cool (kudos to the host), heard some good stories, fine wine and various other choice beverages were there for the imbibing but once those fireworks started... Almost everyone went to the balcony which was certainly large enough to hold the lot of us, but did not stop me from having visions of falling out of the sky. I am not one for heights if you have not already guessed.

What was interesting is that an apartment full of people suddenly became fairly silent except for wow and oohs and intermittent clapping (that may have been me). We all became little children and the few times I wasn't transfixed by the lights, I glanced around and saw rapt faces and the little kid in everyone just shone on their faces. When it was over the disappointment was evident but we put our grownup faces back on and went back to chatting. It was just so interesting to see two very different sides to everyone in a short period of time. I never made it to Guest House even though a wonderful girlfriend of mine was throwing a party. The rain kept me at bay, as it so easily does. In addition to heights I am also not a huge fan of rain especially when wearing gorgeous t-strap leather and suede maroon shoes. It was a gamble but it had to be made, it was the closest I was going to come to wearing red with my blue jeans and where I was wearing white is none of your business. Luckily the rain made intermittent visits throughout the evening allowing for us to enjoy the Macy's fireworks fairly dry and to exit the party with minor damage to the shoes although my umbrella did not fair better. C'est la vie. You play you win, you play you lose,You play. All in all I had a great 4th of July. Viva America!