So I'm training my client this evening and I decide to look at my flight itinerary for my trip next week and I discover that I am in fact leaving the U.S. on August 2nd and arriving in Dar Es Salaam on August 3rd. Now this came as a shock to me because for some reason i have been under the impression that I was leaving the 3rd. So in addition to feeling that perhaps my thoughts of myself as being quite bright were maybe a little overshot but also I have lost an entire day! I have been planning on training people on Thursday and doing and last minute stuff, going to a birthday party wed evening. I mean I have lost an entire day! Oh well, on the bright side I'm really glad I looked and caught that today as opposed to, like say Thursday!?!!
So as I grieve for my lost day, I might as well grieve for my lost sleep. I'm not sure where I have put it and I desperately miss it. I am operating on approximately 4 whole hours, 2 of which occurred between the hours of 2 and 4 this afternoon. Not 2 solid hours mind you, but 2 nonetheless. Another client of mine today, after the one where I discovered my trip departure faux pas (whom by the way told me it was one of the most incoherent flight itinerary she's ever seen, even if it was an attempt to make me feel better I'll take it) said maybe I need a break. The lack of sleep is well a fair indicator. But tell me this, who's gonna catch up on sleep, when there is a country to explore??! I am not planning on sleeping a whole bunch on my trip but perhaps I'll sleep better. I am, truly, tired of it, the insomnia that is, and yes pun intended. Even as I mourn my lack of sleep, I am so loving my life, I can't even find the strength to complain, nor reason to.
I mean I have so many opportunities occurring for me right now, that in and of itself is delicious. I am claiming my life as a writer and an artist. I am about to embark on a trip of a lifetime. I am constantly learning and discovering new things about myself. Breaking patterns and dissolving limiting beliefs opening myself up to new challenges. seeing good and bad in things around me and finding forgiveness and again the lessons?!?!? I mean really this is the stuff of life. I started out my day on set of educational industrial for ANDA. It was a lot of fun and a short day. I mean hell yeah. Even though I'm tired as all get out I made to the gym and rode the spin bike for 30 minutes. I have finally given up on chastising myself for not enjoying running. I am not a fan of running. I am in awe of people who do it and maybe out in the mountains on a dirt road I'd be there but on a treadmill no thank you. And truthfully I highly doubt even then I'll be a fan, but you know as they say, never say never. However, my knees are just not thrilled about it and I doubt they'll change their mind but we'll see.
I totally forgot my best friend is coming to town! Wow I am tired, so on that note I am going to watch The Fountain which so far seems rather promising. I mean a love story and time travel?...heck you got me. I will give you a report tomorrow. Ciao.
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insomnia. Show all posts
Friday, July 27, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Life is Delicious!
I am having a delicious day. Not without it's setbacks and minor trials but delicious nonetheless. I had a very rare day off and I am trying to somehow slowly get back into what could be called a normal sleep pattern. My insomnia is off the charts these days with Tuesday being no exception I was able to boast 3 whole hours, 2 of which occurred in the middle of the day. Even though exhausted I could not go to sleep tuesday evening until 3:30am, but I did mange to eke out 6 hours. I am not sure exactly what is keeping me up, I don't mean the obvious i.e. things to do, but rather is there something I'm stressed about-yes- rent or something else? I think I know what it is and will tie it into the post title. Something very wonderful is happening and I can feel it. It's a little like being a little kid on Christmas and barely being able to go to sleep because you just can't wait for it to be morning. Yet you know if you don't go to sleep it'll feel like forever until morning comes. So ultimately you go to sleep because if you do morning will come faster.
I have had a delicious week and it is only the middle! Okay what is making it so delicious? What is in the air that is keeping me awake at night?!!? I honestly don't know but things are shifting in my life and I have just been having faith. I had a great audition/interview yesterday and today. I met an amazing casting director through the interview yesterday and an amazing director/writer/actor today. I just love being around creative people. So today I have a wonderful meeting with this director, he's speaking my language, I feel comfortable even though I was 15 minutes late. Which, by the way, is a no-no and also not my style. I felt comfortable for two reasons one the vibe in the room was awesome and you could just relax into it. But also I was praying the whole time up to it. I was trying to be calm and assume everything happens the way its supposed to etc etc.
It was interesting because this is the second audition I've had in two days that were downtown near the World Trade Center. Now I guess I may have been more freaked out if I knew I had left late and/or not been in the right frame of mind. But the other thing may be, it's hard to be down at that site or around it and not realize whatever you think is important at this moment, whatever you're fretting about is probably not what you would want your last thoughts to be. In the grand scheme of things it's not the, God I have paused for 10 minutes not wanting to say, it's not the end of the world. Because, well, I think you know why. Being down there you get a perspective on your life and get really grateful to be alive. Whenever I go downtown I give myself ample time because I am useless when I get to the name streets. I have no idea what or where I am going and, I deeply want one of those car GPS systems attached to me. I am not kidding, I don't want just a hand held GPS, I want something that talks to me and tells me what direction to go and whether I am going in the wrong direction. I grew up on the upper west side and I need a grid, people, I need a grid! I first not only managed to go past my stop and which of course meant I had to go right back up. But then I went the wrong direction and around the site which meant I had to retrace my steps because, there is no way to go through, obviously.
I didn't really put it together until much later and it dawned on me that I feel like this to some degree whenever I am downtown. I just feel kind of lost. I grew up with the Towers and I don't know where I am downtown without the them. I could always figure out where I was in relation to the Towers. You're either east or west of them or north or south of them. I had a similiar sensation when I was on the ferry to Staten island a couple of years back. I was looking back at the city as we moved away from it I was mildly hyperventilating and having separation anxiety because, well I was going to Staten Island and that in and of itself is a reason to feel fear. But as I was looking at the city, I felt like it didn't look like my city. I felt a pang and a loss for the landscape I had known all my life. It is always a revelation to realize how much I'm still affected even in the simplest of ways.
It ties into my day in that I try to always be aware of what I have to be grateful for. So I meet this wonderful director who was gracious about my tardiness and meanwhile it's so humid my hair is expanding by the millisecond. As my Mother would put it, when it's trying to take over Manhattan. In truth whether I get to be a part of the project or not, when you meet great people who are doing the kind of work you want to do, that is the universe saying to you you're on the right track. That, my friend, is delicious!! So I'm on my way back uptown and the train is taking forever, as I said and just illustrated this day was not without it's trials, I feel moved to write the director a thank you email, which I do not always do. So later in the midst of writing the email, the casting director/producer of the TV show I interviewed for yesterday calls me and asks me to go in tomorrow and Friday to test with other people!! Holla!! So I'm floating on cloud nine, mind you I am just grateful for the chance to see these people and to be called back etc. That's how you know you're in the right profession or place, the joy to just be able to have the opportunity. So, on top of that,I go to the gym for a gym date with a girlfriend I haven't seen in forever and and when I come back I got an email from the director today saying he'll be in touch with me next week! If today was an apple or a peach I would just bite into it, seriously I would. I'm just riding the wave and honestly I am elated. Now I would just like to add rested to the dossier. Ciao.
I have had a delicious week and it is only the middle! Okay what is making it so delicious? What is in the air that is keeping me awake at night?!!? I honestly don't know but things are shifting in my life and I have just been having faith. I had a great audition/interview yesterday and today. I met an amazing casting director through the interview yesterday and an amazing director/writer/actor today. I just love being around creative people. So today I have a wonderful meeting with this director, he's speaking my language, I feel comfortable even though I was 15 minutes late. Which, by the way, is a no-no and also not my style. I felt comfortable for two reasons one the vibe in the room was awesome and you could just relax into it. But also I was praying the whole time up to it. I was trying to be calm and assume everything happens the way its supposed to etc etc.
It was interesting because this is the second audition I've had in two days that were downtown near the World Trade Center. Now I guess I may have been more freaked out if I knew I had left late and/or not been in the right frame of mind. But the other thing may be, it's hard to be down at that site or around it and not realize whatever you think is important at this moment, whatever you're fretting about is probably not what you would want your last thoughts to be. In the grand scheme of things it's not the, God I have paused for 10 minutes not wanting to say, it's not the end of the world. Because, well, I think you know why. Being down there you get a perspective on your life and get really grateful to be alive. Whenever I go downtown I give myself ample time because I am useless when I get to the name streets. I have no idea what or where I am going and, I deeply want one of those car GPS systems attached to me. I am not kidding, I don't want just a hand held GPS, I want something that talks to me and tells me what direction to go and whether I am going in the wrong direction. I grew up on the upper west side and I need a grid, people, I need a grid! I first not only managed to go past my stop and which of course meant I had to go right back up. But then I went the wrong direction and around the site which meant I had to retrace my steps because, there is no way to go through, obviously.
I didn't really put it together until much later and it dawned on me that I feel like this to some degree whenever I am downtown. I just feel kind of lost. I grew up with the Towers and I don't know where I am downtown without the them. I could always figure out where I was in relation to the Towers. You're either east or west of them or north or south of them. I had a similiar sensation when I was on the ferry to Staten island a couple of years back. I was looking back at the city as we moved away from it I was mildly hyperventilating and having separation anxiety because, well I was going to Staten Island and that in and of itself is a reason to feel fear. But as I was looking at the city, I felt like it didn't look like my city. I felt a pang and a loss for the landscape I had known all my life. It is always a revelation to realize how much I'm still affected even in the simplest of ways.
It ties into my day in that I try to always be aware of what I have to be grateful for. So I meet this wonderful director who was gracious about my tardiness and meanwhile it's so humid my hair is expanding by the millisecond. As my Mother would put it, when it's trying to take over Manhattan. In truth whether I get to be a part of the project or not, when you meet great people who are doing the kind of work you want to do, that is the universe saying to you you're on the right track. That, my friend, is delicious!! So I'm on my way back uptown and the train is taking forever, as I said and just illustrated this day was not without it's trials, I feel moved to write the director a thank you email, which I do not always do. So later in the midst of writing the email, the casting director/producer of the TV show I interviewed for yesterday calls me and asks me to go in tomorrow and Friday to test with other people!! Holla!! So I'm floating on cloud nine, mind you I am just grateful for the chance to see these people and to be called back etc. That's how you know you're in the right profession or place, the joy to just be able to have the opportunity. So, on top of that,I go to the gym for a gym date with a girlfriend I haven't seen in forever and and when I come back I got an email from the director today saying he'll be in touch with me next week! If today was an apple or a peach I would just bite into it, seriously I would. I'm just riding the wave and honestly I am elated. Now I would just like to add rested to the dossier. Ciao.
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