Ahhh

Well I've fallen in love, yup I have with... a coyote. The love has become so deep that it willed me to write again. You can check out my new love at The Daily Coyote. So when did I fall in love so deeply and completely that I was moved to write again well today. I was checking out my daily doses of cuteness, my staples are either Cute Overload or I can has cheezburger
or to be honest it's both. So I found my baby love on Cute Overload and well I went to the blog and really haven't quite left. I kept a tab open all day so I could check in on the cuteness when I'm working or puttering about come back to his picture and have my heart become all full and smushy all over again. so you can go and see for yourself why I'm in love and let you have your own experience.

So where have I been? Certainly having experiences and growing but pretty much holding it in for the processing. I had an experience that where I felt wounded and I needed to process it and get to a place where I guess I felt safe enough to start sharing again. Hmmm it's not altogether unusual to think that I would be moved by love to break open my cocoon. I have discovered in order to work and be my best, I not only need to trust myself and prepare and be fully present but I also need to feel respected. Interestingly I had an experience this weekend where I didn't feel very respected and I resorted to old ways of dealing with it just bury it and show a good face. Essentially, hide your emotions and deal, a very human animal way to deal with things as opposed to a human spirit place where I could just remove myself from the situation. I am not suggesting that anyone did anything wrong it was a wonderful learning experience for me. I am so grateful I was able to identify the situation for what it was and most importantly my old habitual way of dealing with it.

It's interesting you can grow and evolve and seemingly move forward but not the way you do when you get the opportunity to see, really see yourself in light of the way you are used to reacting. Does that make any sense? It was such a gift to see where I was and where I am even though I reacted in a typical way, the grand joy of it...is I realized it!! Anyway so back to realizing that respect goes both ways so if I'm not feeling respected or loved where am I not giving respect or love, or where am I not respecting or loving myself, asking for what I want, putting up with less than I deserve? So this past month when I've been awol I've been exploring that and discovering where I stand with these ideas in my work, with myself, my personal life. It's been a great time of trial and error and exploration.

Anyway I am doing some great things and I am excited to tell you all about tomorrow but today I just wanted to jump back in the pool and tomorrow I'll share a backstroke with you. In the meantime be blessed, respected and loved... by you! Ciao.

Rain Sweet Rain!

I love the rain. Not so much in how my feet get wet or what it does to my hair. But I love how it forces you to slow down. It gives me the luxury, the right to sleep in, to revel in having a day off. It gave me the excuse to not feel guilty about not wanting to do anything. To just watch movies and plan for how I want my life to unfold and develop, evolve if you will. I got clear on some things I want and perhaps will make room for in my life and I also was deliciously happy about what is not in my life. I am very content and yet well not completely. But my lack of content gives me an opportunity to create that which I wish for rather than a space for feeling lacking. The rain made me slow down enough today to appreciate it as I sipped a coffee in Starbucks rather than rushing to an appointment as I am usually. The rain came down and I enjoyed it. Tomorrow its auditions again and various other commitments but today was just for me and the sweet rain.

Been a Long Time Baby

Wow I've been tired! Last week was a great week, very busy and wonderful. I worked 4 different acting jobs, all paid encompassing, film, print, TV and a commercial. It was great and I still trained my clients so it was full and exhausting. I've been recuperating this week and by recuperating I mean auditioning like crazy and I now see some my clients as early as 5:30am!! Which means, when you're getting home off a shoot at 1am it's a quick turn around time but I'm happy so really there's no complaints. However that is why you haven't heard from me.

I have met some really awesome people though and of course i manage to find or be attracted to people on set who are having these wonderful metaphysical, broad minded discussions and debates. Very stimulating and of course I'm staying aware of the people who talk the talk but don't walk the walk. It's all a journey but I am aware of those who may be looking to latch onto my bandwagon and suck the life outta me! Speaking of which I did have someone try to do that with a project recently and get my opinions and insights is how I believe they put it and having been down that road, being a muse, teacher and sounding board only to be used, abused and whoops no compensation or contract and I'm out in the cold. The beautiful thing, because I just see these things as lessons is I got the opportunity to see it come at me again so quickly and make the choice that supports me. Not that I won't be a producer in the future, I absolutely will I just have to be aware of people who are users. I have to open my eyes, if someone is using every one else around them then they're probably using me too. Anyway I'm grateful for the lessons at this level because I know where I'm going and the lessons would be harsher as I play with the big fish.

So I'm really happy with where my career is going. I am eager for the next project and I will be in touch more often even if it means a quick little note at 1am after I get home from being on set! Hell yeah I love being tired for these reasons! Ciao.

Switcheroo

I am engaging in what is what I consider to be an event in a New York City apartment. The Summer to Fall/Winter changeover. It is akin to the also monumental Winter to Spring/Summer changeover. This is the event, the former, when you dig out of your closets (if you're lucky enough to have them) and under your bed and anywhere you have craftily stowed away your Fall/Winter gear. Now this is an event because closet space, again if you're blessed enough to have it, is a commodity in New York and I have 3 closets to myself, Hallelujah! I have always joked with my girlfriends and with past boyfriends love is sharing closet space especially in New York. If I am willing to give up space in my closet or dressers for you, however little that is tantamount to a proposal. Ok maybe not but it's up there. And anytime they have left or been kicked out even if I'm mourning a broken heart I AM HAPPY to have my closets back, can I get an Amen! No really I'm being serious and I know the ladies out there hear me.

You'd think this could be a part of an Olympic event or something maybe, the packing category? I don't know but I would excel in that category and bring home the gold. I am an excellent packer in my house and when I travel or organize my clothes because as I have stated space is important! So the event it lasts about a week long if you're busy and have any kind of life. That or I have a lot of clothes. I'm going with the combination of the two. although like any other girl I don't have enough. But also Autumn is my favorite season, I love the colors and tones. I love that you can start wearing jackets and scarves but its not really cold yet, so there are more clothing options. Also because once it's cold I hibernate and you probably won't see me again until spring although I love the whole Winter accessory thing. Yeah I know it sounds silly but I love the matching scarves, hats and gloves. So I'm a little bit of a fashion whore.

Anyway the change over is also a little like a "spring cleaning" for me a reordering of life. It's also coinciding of a real boom of work for me and I am grateful and so excited.I've been sort of in a place where the choices I made in who I trusted have not borne great fruit. I decided to learn my lessons put my faith only in God and in my passions, not people, shoot God can help them himself. Naw I'm kidding but not really. I am feeling like I am emerging from a cocoon and some real life lessons, alas when aren't we if we are determined to grow and evolve. and one thing I know I am is determined and it's all about shedding the old Lise and growing into the new and improved and hopefully wiser but not bitter. No person nor situation will take away my flame! Anyway it just feels like all this hard work is really coming to fruition and I am so blessed. I shot a commercial this weekend, which I am not at liberty to discuss due to confidentiality agreements and I'm shooting a print ad and another commercial spot this week. I've been offered two roles and another project that sort of disappeared has reappeared AND we start filming Insidious this week. That was the project I auditioned for the day before I left for Africa and was offered while I was there. So I am feeling wonderfully over joyed but not overwhelmed and like my dreams are unfolding before my eyes while new ones are forming.

So I gotta get back to replacing my open toes sandals for boots, which I just love, I am such a boot girl. Maybe it has something to do with preferring a more solid, sure footing which is what I feel like is happening in my professional life and that my dear is the real switcheroo. I'll catch you later when I come up for air from under my sweaters and the great joy of working this week! Till then ciao. A bien tot.

Whew!

What a week and more it has been! I was just thinking last week I did two music video's, one on Monday for the singer Esthan Aman, the other for Ron Eliran on Saturday. Both were completely different, one was in a different language and more Glam and the other was well less Glam, much less, in fact I was crawling around in the sand. In the first I was in a club/lounge enjoying myself listening to the band and the other I played a soldier missing her daughter. Radically different roles, settings etc. Then today I had an all day shoot for Manhattan Plaza health club showcasing the various classes, equipment they have. It was a lot of fun, great group of people and we got paid to exercise all day! Heck yeah! Then we start filming next week for "Insidious" I am feeling very blessed.

It's been a great week or so for work. I've also been auditioning a lot so we'll see what happens. I am however exhausted and I think I may sleep tonight...famous last words. But it my intention. Actually it's always my intention and if there were just a switch, not unlike a light switch I would be a happy woman. If I could just shut my brain down. I am going to try to get in bed by like 8 so I can get to sleep at a respectable 11:30. My problem is I get a second not unlike I did when I used to wait tables. My body gears up if I don't go to sleep when I'm tired which today would have been 6pm and I'm raring to go for another 6-8 hours. The other problem and I've actually read about this is I think I can go something like 22-26 hours and then sleep for 10-12 and do it again. Even if i only slept 2 hours at night, if I get an hour nap in it keeps me going for another 10 hours. Blah Blah Anyway I'm going to go see what I can accomplish so I can get to sleep tonight. Operation get Lise to sleep at night is in effect. Ciao.

Roots or Rooted?

An old friend remarked to me that I may constrain myself with the mention of being a born and bred New Yorker. It got me to thinking. I wonder if it constrains me or puts me in a box. I was under the impression that it took me out of one, rather gave me context rather than narrowed my vision or me. Growing up in New York meant to me that I didn't play in a 1/2 acre backyard but rather a very large one-central park and becuase I grew up on the upper west side I also had riverside park. To me it meant I had access to the world's finest art, opera's, plays, musicals all at an age where I didn't know enough to appreciate it but could soak it up. In a way that it became and was, is part of me. I had rather worldly parents my Mother from Haiti and well educated and my Father from Oklahoma also well educated, well traveled and had spent 3 years in the peace corps living in Tanzania.

I felt growing in New York that I was at the edge of something, a springing point, the end of a diving board where I could jump into anywhere in the world. I grew up with every kind of cuisine you could imagine and every color, language and sexual preference was to be seen around me. When I say I'm a born and raised New Yorker I'm saying I grew up in a melting pot and it melted with me and in me. As a little girl I had friends of every creed with parents that spoke a multitude of languages sometimes not including English. A good portion of my friends were bilingual essentially since birth. My first word was not in English. I love that I'm from here because wherever you go int the world they've heard of my town. They know where it is. I also love that although I can "do" a New Yawk accent, I don't speak with one. I attribute that to my parents varied upbringing and that they two both speak at least 2 languages fluently. Not that elsewhere in the world that's not common but in America? Less so .

The comment got me to thinking what did it mean to me that I was born here. I decided it meant to me I am citizen of the world and I have always thought so. Because that's just what I've always thought and what I've been exposed to. Yes because I traveled extensively as a child but also becuase I only had to go down to the bodega where the Arabs where offering to trade me from my father for 13 cows when I was 13. I still don't if they and my father were just teasing me, I think so because they were friends with my family. Or the Koreans who run the other bodega across the street to get an education in diversity. Or listen to the salsa music in the summer coming from the center island in the middle of Broadway. The music, the drums would waft up to my room as I sweat to death because air conditioning was not prevalent then. I guess when I say I'm a born and raised New Yorker I'm talking about all those experiences that you can't describe but are in your bones, in your soul. I would not want to have grown up anywhere else, not for a backyard, not for anything.

Innocence Lost

I had the misfortune this evening of wandering into my living room and seeing one cat sitting on my couch intently looking at the other. Now this in and of itself is not so much a problem but usually when one of them is doing this it means he or she is going to pounce on the other. That is something I really enjoy becuase I find it amusing when they spar. It seems to me they don't take it too seriously, at least later they don't, at the time they seem committed but it seems to end after the "match " is done. Now this time was peculiar because the intent felt different to me and much to my chagrin I was right. As I passed my coffee table I found my boy cat Oliver eating what I discovered to be a mouse. I was able to make this assertion because there was a tail but...not much else.

I was very displeased. For many reasons not the least of which was I had to be the one to get rid of it and unlike waterbug's which I can kill (not without very loud and unceremonious screaming), cover with something and then hope someone comes along to dispose of it for me. I cannot seem to dispose of them, it has something to do with an irrational deadly fear of them. Wait I take that back if you've ever seen one flying you'd not think it irrational. The fear might also have something to do with my mother on my first encounter in my own apartment with them, as I was trying to see if I could get my younger brother to come over and kill it for me, flippantly said " you'd better kill it they like hair"!!! Of which (hair that is) I've got loads and it's of the curly and big kind that screams get lost in me at little to small animals it does or so I imagine. Anyway, I had to take this mouse away from him, it was thankfully on a piece of cardboard so I was able to get it a without dying a little, i.e. touching it in anyway. I didn't cry or scream and for this I want to take note, for this is progress. But conversely, I am oddly calm which leads me to believe I am actually in shock and not yet dealing with it.

So why innocence lost you may ask? It just made me realize that one, there's the possibility of mice in my apartment, not a terribly pleasurable thought but also that this was not the first time. It means the time I found a tail only, a couple of years ago that the mouse probably didn't get away as I had hoped and never returned but rather that he didn't return but rather resided in another in my house i.e. in one of my cats. Yecch! And the time I came home and a very odd looking upchuck I found on my floor (when you have cats you get used to various hairball configurations etc) that I felt looked a little like it once had eyes and various organs, probably did. You see it's a little like what I imagine it feels like to a parent to realize your child who is very much an adult has sex. It's not so much that you're surprised but that you look at them differently. That's how I feel right now, my cat was supposed to be a creature that may play with a random mouse (that again I am unhappy to be reminded I may have more of, visitors I'm not pleased about but residents...that's another story) but not eat them. Perhaps my innocence is lost and not theirs . I can't pretend my cats are Grey furry little sweethearts but rather carnivore's of other furry grey things. Ugh. Things will never be the same, I will never be the same.

Video, Video's and the BBC

What you ask has one to do with the other? Well not very much except me. Over the weekend I was cast in a video for an alternative rock song. I play a soldier who misses her little girl that should be interesting. I'm excited to work with these people. Then today I went for a casting where they were looking for extremely hot sexy women. So as you can imagine the outfit I wore was radically different than the one I wore for the soldier video. It's one of the many things that's interesting about being in this business you can be an attorney one day, a jewel thief the next, the following you're portraying a serious role as a soldier missing her child and the next week wearing an oohh lala outfit and the only requirement is to smile and be hot! Anyway obviously I love it it's a little schizophrenic in that way and that suits me just fine.

So where does the BBC come into play? Well I got an email from a director I worked with telling me my picture is on the BBC in reference to his film "Butterfly Screams" I was in last fall, The link. The only problem with the article is that it's in Urdu which is fine if you speak Urdu but unfortunately I don't! Oh well I'm still really happy the film is getting press and me with it! It was a really great project to work on, the director, Mumtaz Hussain is an incredibly talented artist in many respects. I met some really awesome people. Anyway it's just good to see things moving around. I really like to be busy so I hope to have more to report in the upcoming couple of days. Till then Ciao!

Leave My Penis Alone!

Ok I used that title on purpose for a few reasons. Has anyone else besides me been getting a lot, I mean A LOT email targeted to increase your penis size, finally make your girl happy, add inches to your c*#k and other variations on the theme? It seems that someone or several people are very concerned with my penis size and while I'm thinking Aww, how sweet you care but...I'm a GIRL! A woman actually but either way you figure it there is no need to increase my nonexistent penis. In fact you could say I'm quite satisfied with it. If it is so tiny I can't find it than, well I guess that's a good thing what with me being all set with my vagina and all.

I mean sheesh I am literally getting between 15-20 emails of either increasing my penis size or investing in this stock or another, or herbal viagra or some other pharmaceuticals. I am really tired of it all. I went looking online for ways to stop it but then you have to hook up with some other group and I am wary of that. It was mildly amusing at first but it feels like there has been an influx and it seems specifically to be going thought my website email, alas what can I do? Now that would be something useful to get adverts for in my inbox. Anyway I'm hoping there'll be some mitigation in the swarm of increase your size emails, in the meanwhile I suppose I could give it some thought.

Freedom in Truth?

So I was watching the movie the Freedom writers and I was touched and inspired by the story. I think it's hard not to be. As I was watching, amongst a multitude of feelings and tears not just for the people in the story but for my own life, revelations and struggles. I realized one that I had not felt inspired in a long time and i started to write, to pour out my feelings (not here) and I wrote for a little while and went back to the behind the scenes features. I was mulling over this blog and how it started because I want to write, to express , myself, my views, my heart and my trials. What I realized though is that I have been holding them in for fear of hurting other peoples feelings, when the truth is I'm hurt. The thing I don't want to hurt becuase I've been hurt but I do want to express. I want to stop censoring myself so that other people can feel better when I may be holding back not only my voice but someone else who may recognize themselves in me and realize they have a right to their own.

I want to recount my trials in acting, being a writer and a human being who is consciously struggling to make choices that support what I want my life to be, my art and my heart. What I was realizing though is I haven't been here not for awhile I've been hiding and just struggling to stay afloat. Holding back my emotions and thoughts so that I could, yes process them but also so as not to rock the boat. The boat that I think I was under so how could I rock it? anyway I'm going to try to write more truthfully because quite frankly if I don't then why bother there's enough fluffy crap out there I don't have to add to it. But also I think when you speak the truth it resonates and I want my voice, tune to resonate somewhere even if it's only with me. o here is a pledge to keep revealing myself even if it's scary. Even if it means I have to write through the fear of rejection. I mean hell if I've got an issue with rejection I sure picked some tough careers! Anyway that's what I had to say. Be well.

Jittery Jumping Jacks

I may have to end my love affair with coffee. Yes it's true. I'm not saying I'm going to I just may have to. I had an audition today for a Law Firm Commercial and I had just had a cup of coffee, not a good idea. You're adrenaline is already pumping at one of these things and then to have your heart racing because of a beloved drink-not good. But it went well besides my getting jittery toward the end. So as always, learning. I had another audition later for an acting troupe and it turned out the director was looking at my resume and noted my degree was in Geology and he also has an degree in Geology! How is that for odd?!! I told him if nothing else I have a story. I'm always happy to be out there meeting people, networking etc. I have rehearsal almost every day this week. So yay! I love to work!

My father is leaving for Tanzania tomorrow morning so my life is going to be shifting to a more normal schedule. I'm going to miss him but it'll be good for me to have less distractions. I've had a reduction in my client base recently so I've decided to spend more time writing. So again more of a shift toward the life I wish to be leading. Although the bills must be paid. I'm sure the universe has something good in store for me. I'm ready for the next step. Okay I'm going to sign off. Ciao.

Long Live Vigo!

That was the name of the film I shot today. I played Vanessa Vigo a jewel thief. It was a lot of fun. It was filmed using green screen technology. The basic premise is that I am a jewel thief and my co-star and love interest is a cop and that spells problems. The director was very cool and he said he'll be writing something in the future with me in mind, which is awesome. It was a good day. I also got called in for an audition today and luckily I had time to go before getting to set. Tonight the Emmy's are on, so I always like it when I'm working on the day there is an award show that I intend to be attending some day soon. It was pretty straightforward and I was able to get home and spend a little time with my Dad. I also noticed that on Mandy's.com there is an ad for the web commercial , Get U Noticed I did last year. More exposure! I'm really happy about that. I've got 2 auditions tomorrow and I am pretty exhausted. So I'll check back in tomorrow till then Ciao.

Edging Back In Slllooowwwllyy

Ok I know I went from daily posts to zero (When I was in Tanzania) to once a week. Also I'm trying to stop letting myself be distracted. I am going on auditions and go-see's and I got a film this week. I'm shooting tomorrow actually. I'm pretty excited because I get to play a jewel thief and that is fun! I've been hanging with my Dad and getting things lined up so that my dreams can be realized while I have some security.

I've also been dealing with the aftermath of having this awful woman squat at my house and my cats were emaciated. I mean even my larger cat (I will not call her fat!) lost weight which just makes me realize they were either not being fed or were so disturbed by this woman's energy that they stopped eating. So... I'm pretty bitter about that in addition to her stealing my peace of mind while I was there and hello she didn't pay so that set me back. Thank God for Karma so I have to release it to the Universe. I'm just trying to make sure I learn the lesson so that I don't have to keep going through this type of situation where I get taken advantage of. And for some reason it always involves my apartment, whether it's boyfriends or friends, so there is something for me to learn. I'm done with it! Moving on to the next lesson in store for me!

So I've got rehearsals next week, filming tomorrow and two auditions on Monday and one on Thursday so I'm plodding forward with my dreams and for that I'm grateful. i just want to add in the prosperity and good relationships but I suspect I need to apply better boundaries and learn to spot when people are out to use me. It's so boring already time for a change! Alright I'll be back tomorrow to talk about how shooting went. Ciao.

Sweet!

I had my first rehearsal for Insidious today. It was actually more of a read-through, meet your colleagues start establishing some relationships etc. I think this project is going to be life changing. I can feel it. The energy, the writer/director is awesome the people he surrounds himself with. I am learning. I think I have a gifts, talents what have you. I am kind, generous person but I keep drawing to me people who seem to use me, my generosity, kindness. I'm not sure what the lesson is for me but I am discovering it. I am ready to learn this lesson so I can move on. I mean why do I draw people like that to me? Why would I draw that subleter to me? Squatter really because subleter suggests she gave money to me! Ha! God I just have to remind myself that what goes around comes around. Anyway, I want to surround myself with amazing creative people who respect me and my work, as I respect them. I had such a great experience today, we read through the scene and did improvisation. It was so delicious, it's the stuff that feeds my soul. I was just thinking that what is important with this work outside of the obvious love and passion, is humility and appreciation. But true humility and the willingness to be taught and share the spotlight. Maybe I'm full of s**t but it's what I'm feeling at the moment.

I have to get back into the rhythm of writing everyday. I am just getting back into the swing of things this week. People are just coming back from August and Labor day vacations. Things have really just felt surreal. I've come back and I feel like I'm ready for August in the city! But hello I had August in Africa! I can't completely describe what it feels like to be in the city in August but I'll give you my rendition. If it's not blisteringly hot and humid, August is kind of nice in the city. Anyone who can get away does so the city just feels quiet. I just go to the museums and walk through the park and write. My business is usually pretty slow and I just roll with it. I like that feeling. When September rolls around the vibe just changes, I guess I kind of have the school mentality. I still think in semesters, of course I trained at Columbia University for years so my life did revolve around semesters up until very recently. I only left about4 months ago. So I guess that feels odd as well, not having the feeling that "school" is about to start up again.

So I am settling into the groove that I wish for my life to have going to rehearsal, talking to producers, other directors and lining up projects, writing, working out. Speaking of working out I got my ass kicked in a boxing class yesterday. I started to see spots and I almost passed out. So I had to leave the class which was no fun but instead of feeling like a big loser. I am now taking a boxing class everyday or kick boxing, it's partly research for my character and just good exercise. I felt a new resolve after that class and I took an intro to boxing class today and tomorrow it's gonna be kick boxing. Anyway life is sweet and I am writing a few articles regarding my trip so I'll share them later. I'll see you tomorrow. Ciao.

I'm Back Baby!!

Whew! I am back from traveling to Africa for 24 days! It was wonderful, enlightening, beautiful, exciting etc etc. I'm just now getting settled from jet lag but really I've been more messed up from the Malarone. It's got to be the anti-malaria pills than the jet lag because I've been away for a month in a foreign country (in Italy) and never felt quite like this. I was dizziness and slightly nauseous up until today yummy huh? I actually stopped taking the pill becuase i just couldn't take it anymore. I would bend down to get something and whoosh I would feel totally unsteady or just walking around. It's like perpetually being on a boat. I feel very out of practice in detailing my life, I mean it's been a month!! I figure I will give my take on my trip over the course of...my life! I mean how do you sum up this life changing trip in one blog?

I do have great news on the acting front. I actually was offered a role in the Romantic Troubadour Entertainment's next film "Insidious". I had auditioned on wed right before my trip and was told by the director I would definitely be called back for a second audition and I found out two weeks later when I was able to get to the internet, there's not a big internet thing happening out tin the middle of the Serengeti, that I was offered the role the very next day!! How exciting is that!!??? Also I had to turn down a role in the horror movie I had auditioned for the last week in July because the production dates conflicted with my trip. But the director told me to call him when I got back. Also the TV show "Tempting Joanna" is going to continue production and tale it in another direction or at least make sure all the production is done before shopping it which I am happy about. I received a phone call yesterday to do work for Good Day New York but it conflicted with our first read through of the script for Insidious so I couldn't do it but it felt good to be called. I know good things are coming.

Ok I just wanted to stop in, I'll be back later to talk about my nightmare sublet/squatter situation that really affected my piece of mind on this trip. Till then Ciao and it good to be back!

3 days and counting!

Have I mentioned that I love my life?I was offered a part in the film I auditioned for last week in Long Island. It was a different part then the two I had read for. I would love to do it but I am awaiting word on their production dates as I am going to be in Africa for the currently proposed dates, but I am hopeful. Wow and Hello! I am going to Afrika!!Safari Afrika ya!! So narrowing everything down, getting someone to watch my cats and various other things one must do before leaving on such a big trip. I am very much hoping to have work to come back to which would/will be so glorious. I am so excited right now, I'm practically bursting out of my skin!

I'm going to spend some time with best friend and force him to help me pack. Then it's up tomorrow at 5:30am, my favorite!! I will check in later.

Musings and Revelations

Ah I have slept in 2 days in a row! Deliciouso! I do love my sleep I just wish I could get it by going to sleep earlier but I got some so... no complaints! My best friend from high school is in town which is wonderful. I have very high expectations of what I expect in a friendship, because of what i give and deserve. And when I am around, or in touch with the people who have proven themselves to be steadfast and trustworthy friends, I know why I expect a lot. I have amazing friends who give a lot of themselves, and did I mention trustworthy? God I cannot explain how much that means to me. I really appreciate my time and I won't spend it with just anyone and there are few people for whom will I drop everything for but for those I will, they are well worth it. I mistake some people for good friends and well that always unfortunate, but you learn.

People you can trust your ideas with, your heart, that don't take who you are for granted. The people I call my closest friends I can not talk to them for months but when I do no time has passed, just events. there are truly generous of spirit and heart, but in the truest sense not because they're looking for something in return. I guess I am more keenly aware of this because my best friend is in town. But I will say this it is important to give people a chance, even if they, mess up, sometimes it's the messing up that awakens one to the value of the friendship.

I am puttering about as I am wont to do. I'm packing and putting things in a pile. I am mentally preparing myself for this trip. I'm also preparing for a very important audition. It's occupying a great deal of my mind and my thoughts. I keep trying on these characters and what motivates them. And GOD it's so fun. I truly love this work. I mean in my heart and deep down into my soul and sheesh. It's just joyous. I was watching Stomp the Yard, wow the techniques and the work they put into this movie. I was really impressed. I have found much in my life comes down to discipline. I have great respect for discipline and commitment. In work, in relationships, in life. Discipline and commitment are the foundations, oh yeah and being impeccable with your word. But simply my view is, if you're not impeccable in with word, there is no foundation for commitment or discipline. And that my dear is that. I have a great respect for people who are firm in these things. I am impressed by it and moved by integrity. Which for me are all really intertwined, your integrity makes you impeccable with your word, and commitment and discipline are the tools you use, the manifestations of your integrity. If you don't have integrity in your personal life, than you probably don't in your work life. The two are not separate , in fact nothing in this life is, separate that is.

Hmmm. I guess both my rants are connected, as I'm looking over them. My close friends are the people who have a lot of integrity in the way they live their lives but also in how they treat me. I respect that and because I respect them I treat them the same. I give my all in friendships, in relationships and in work, which I don't hold separate from my life. My art is my life as is everything else, all just expressions of who I am and what I wish to see and be and be apart of. I'm just excited about my life and all I'm learning, about my trip. And I'm real appreciative not just to have the opportunity to learn but to have people to love and be loved by as I walk through this delicious adventure, journey called life.

What?!!?

So I'm training my client this evening and I decide to look at my flight itinerary for my trip next week and I discover that I am in fact leaving the U.S. on August 2nd and arriving in Dar Es Salaam on August 3rd. Now this came as a shock to me because for some reason i have been under the impression that I was leaving the 3rd. So in addition to feeling that perhaps my thoughts of myself as being quite bright were maybe a little overshot but also I have lost an entire day! I have been planning on training people on Thursday and doing and last minute stuff, going to a birthday party wed evening. I mean I have lost an entire day! Oh well, on the bright side I'm really glad I looked and caught that today as opposed to, like say Thursday!?!!

So as I grieve for my lost day, I might as well grieve for my lost sleep. I'm not sure where I have put it and I desperately miss it. I am operating on approximately 4 whole hours, 2 of which occurred between the hours of 2 and 4 this afternoon. Not 2 solid hours mind you, but 2 nonetheless. Another client of mine today, after the one where I discovered my trip departure faux pas (whom by the way told me it was one of the most incoherent flight itinerary she's ever seen, even if it was an attempt to make me feel better I'll take it) said maybe I need a break. The lack of sleep is well a fair indicator. But tell me this, who's gonna catch up on sleep, when there is a country to explore??! I am not planning on sleeping a whole bunch on my trip but perhaps I'll sleep better. I am, truly, tired of it, the insomnia that is, and yes pun intended. Even as I mourn my lack of sleep, I am so loving my life, I can't even find the strength to complain, nor reason to.

I mean I have so many opportunities occurring for me right now, that in and of itself is delicious. I am claiming my life as a writer and an artist. I am about to embark on a trip of a lifetime. I am constantly learning and discovering new things about myself. Breaking patterns and dissolving limiting beliefs opening myself up to new challenges. seeing good and bad in things around me and finding forgiveness and again the lessons?!?!? I mean really this is the stuff of life. I started out my day on set of educational industrial for ANDA. It was a lot of fun and a short day. I mean hell yeah. Even though I'm tired as all get out I made to the gym and rode the spin bike for 30 minutes. I have finally given up on chastising myself for not enjoying running. I am not a fan of running. I am in awe of people who do it and maybe out in the mountains on a dirt road I'd be there but on a treadmill no thank you. And truthfully I highly doubt even then I'll be a fan, but you know as they say, never say never. However, my knees are just not thrilled about it and I doubt they'll change their mind but we'll see.
I totally forgot my best friend is coming to town! Wow I am tired, so on that note I am going to watch The Fountain which so far seems rather promising. I mean a love story and time travel?...heck you got me. I will give you a report tomorrow. Ciao.

Sidewalks of New York

I believe that was the title of a movie. OK I have a pet peeve I need to air here. I am sure it's not particular to New York but I know it happens here all the time. Here it is, do not speed past me to get in front of me and then slow down! What the %$8#@ is that?!? And the flip side, pretend you're aware that you're not the only person on the planet and let me get by. Just shift to the side it's not that hard people, it's called awareness. I don't want to be so up on you that I can count your neck hair. I really don't and I'm not trying to be rude but I am trying to get somewhere and if it's your day off or you're strolling and stopping to smell the roses, hey that's cool too. But don't force me to do so with you, just move to the side let me by. I never mind it if I'm having a slow day (when does that happen?) and I'm strolling, to just shift my body to let a person get on with their journey to their destination. I am aware that some of my frustration is that I live in midtown and there are a lot of tourists. However, this does not give you the license to act like the only person or people on the sidewalk. In fact some of the same rules one would apply to driving in your respective hometowns apply here but on the sidewalks.

While we're on a this subject here's a topic that relates. What's the thought process behind stopping at the bottom of the stairs or the escalator? I'm just curious. Or the top of the stairs for that matter? Let me understand this you're getting off the escalator for example and you're not sure what your next step is going to be or where you're going. And apparently you've decided that the best recourse to discovering this, is to stop at the bottom or top of the stairs/escalator, you name it, right in front of it because....? Because you're the only person on it?The only person in the universe? I just can't get my head around it and it irks me to no end. Just move to the freaking side! Oh my God, it's not that hard people, just move to the side! It's called awareness, manners, a brain, whatever you want to call it just do it. Get out the way. You're pissing me off and I'm seriously wondering when Darwin is going to kick in with this business. I mean really.

So that's just my feelings about it. The title sidewalks of New York could really lead to so many topics but alas this was the one I felt the need to exorcise. All that being said, I'm out. Ciao.

Flowing days

I'm just eking out the rest of my day. I am exhausted. I can't go to sleep before 3am which is just ridiculous and I'm tired of it, Pun intended!! I know some it has to do with general excitement with all the wonderful things going on in my life, one part things hanging over my head that I need (bad word) to do and another part, I'm just a night owl. I mean I always have been as little girl I was staying up reading until 2 am by the sliver of light by my door, hello glasses. What can you do? I did it to myself. But I've been trying to look at the insomnia thing by asking myself what it costs me. What am I less likely to do because I'm tired? What do I get less enjoyment out of because my brain is operating at a slower capacity? they say that getting less than 4 hours of sleep is tantamount to being drunk, well I don't drink but sometimes my word retrieval is less than extraordinary. C'est la vie. So it costs me plans sometimes, and maybe a workout or two and definitely... this is big... I get to chastise myself. Aha that's it, everything is going really well and I am sabotaging my full experience of the joy because I'm so tired I'm not fully present. Booya, that is an epiphany! Alright well now I can do something about it from the perspective of knowing why. I will not chastise myself so I get not payoff and well I'll figure the rest out but that really was a grand slam.

So it turns out they are going to go ahead with the production dates that conflict with my trip but I still believe you never know. Until camera's rolling anything can happen and even after that. So I am just happy about the people I met and all the creation and momentum that went into the last week. Great news on another front though, I just booked an educational industrial for Anda this Friday. I'm psyched. I don't know the particulars yet but I do know it's a cafe scene and I'm a professional type, well alright then. You want it, you got it. I got tons of business attire which I find amusing because I so am not the office type but I do love a good suit. So i await the particulars and I celebrate the work I get and don't get.

Oh yeah I went to Long Island today for an audition for a horror Film. How fun would that be? I so do not watch horror films but I would love to be in one. The reason I don't watch horror films is simply I am a scaredy cat, that and my imagination is just fine on it's own. I do not need help in that department whatsoever. I am still traumatized by Nightmare on Elm street, forget Carrie, The Shining or The Exorcist. I just can't go there. Even some psychological thrillers are too much for me. I personally can't take too much violence but mostly it's the supernatural Amityville horror stuff and you got me screaming Uncle. On the other hand I would LOVE to do a film like Grindhouse! I haven't seen it yet but that machine gun leg Rose McGowan had?!! Hello!!? That's just hot and looks like a load of fun and awesome challenge. I dunno but of course I would just love to work with Tarentino and Rodriguez. Anyway it would be great to branch out and do a horror film. We'll see what happens either way I had a great day and I am gonna kick this sleep issues derriere! Ciao.