Flowing days

I'm just eking out the rest of my day. I am exhausted. I can't go to sleep before 3am which is just ridiculous and I'm tired of it, Pun intended!! I know some it has to do with general excitement with all the wonderful things going on in my life, one part things hanging over my head that I need (bad word) to do and another part, I'm just a night owl. I mean I always have been as little girl I was staying up reading until 2 am by the sliver of light by my door, hello glasses. What can you do? I did it to myself. But I've been trying to look at the insomnia thing by asking myself what it costs me. What am I less likely to do because I'm tired? What do I get less enjoyment out of because my brain is operating at a slower capacity? they say that getting less than 4 hours of sleep is tantamount to being drunk, well I don't drink but sometimes my word retrieval is less than extraordinary. C'est la vie. So it costs me plans sometimes, and maybe a workout or two and definitely... this is big... I get to chastise myself. Aha that's it, everything is going really well and I am sabotaging my full experience of the joy because I'm so tired I'm not fully present. Booya, that is an epiphany! Alright well now I can do something about it from the perspective of knowing why. I will not chastise myself so I get not payoff and well I'll figure the rest out but that really was a grand slam.

So it turns out they are going to go ahead with the production dates that conflict with my trip but I still believe you never know. Until camera's rolling anything can happen and even after that. So I am just happy about the people I met and all the creation and momentum that went into the last week. Great news on another front though, I just booked an educational industrial for Anda this Friday. I'm psyched. I don't know the particulars yet but I do know it's a cafe scene and I'm a professional type, well alright then. You want it, you got it. I got tons of business attire which I find amusing because I so am not the office type but I do love a good suit. So i await the particulars and I celebrate the work I get and don't get.

Oh yeah I went to Long Island today for an audition for a horror Film. How fun would that be? I so do not watch horror films but I would love to be in one. The reason I don't watch horror films is simply I am a scaredy cat, that and my imagination is just fine on it's own. I do not need help in that department whatsoever. I am still traumatized by Nightmare on Elm street, forget Carrie, The Shining or The Exorcist. I just can't go there. Even some psychological thrillers are too much for me. I personally can't take too much violence but mostly it's the supernatural Amityville horror stuff and you got me screaming Uncle. On the other hand I would LOVE to do a film like Grindhouse! I haven't seen it yet but that machine gun leg Rose McGowan had?!! Hello!!? That's just hot and looks like a load of fun and awesome challenge. I dunno but of course I would just love to work with Tarentino and Rodriguez. Anyway it would be great to branch out and do a horror film. We'll see what happens either way I had a great day and I am gonna kick this sleep issues derriere! Ciao.

Blessings they are Abounding!

I feel like I should start a sermon with a post title like that but in truth I'm just vibing off an awesome day. It's so interesting to me how I can have 4 hours of sleep but put me on a set and I'm just not tired unlike anything else I do. Don't get me wrong i love my clients and most certainly I'm blessed to be able to call many of them my friends and I genuinely enjoy training them etc but it's nothing compared to the joy I feel acting. It's another echelon of feeling. The surge of energy that goes through your body I can only describe it thus, it's electricity and it's definitely charged. It's also so wonderful when you work with amazing people.

The cast and crew were phenomenal not just in terms of the energy and down to the earth vibe but just hard working without drama. And of course there was drama...IT's a film of course there's drama! But it was minimal, the P.A.'s didn't show, which was so not cool but the director/actress/writer/producer was awesome and very composed. Gracious and genuinely kind, and there were no diva's or divo's on the set which was also wonderful. No one was like where's my coffee and you know, the energy was very laid back. I have to attribute that to the person at the helm. No one was taken for granted, i.e. our time and I am starting to see something about inspiring people in a way that they are happy to work for you. There's something to that I think it comes down to being genuine.

It was a great day. The Dp was awesome, the crew as I mentioned. The boom guy I've worked with before and we couldn't figure out on what until I sat down at this big long table and we both got it. It was a film I worked on last year, where I played an FBI agent, called "Butterfly Screams". I was playing an attorney this go around but it was the sitting at a big official table that brought it back. Anyway that brings me back to the PA's not showing, in this business, it's a small community it's like cutting your nose off to spite your face. Also I believe I worked with the woman who played the opposing counsel. We didn't pin point it we were too busy having amazing metaphysical conversations.

It's great to be around people who talk the talk AND walk the walk. I think with that last statement I just had an epiphany, you draw people to you who are of like mind ( I know that but sometimes it hits you). But sometimes you can caught up with who just talk the talk, no judgments, they're not there yet but they think they are. It's very interesting or perhaps they're trying but they're using the words but not the actions. You know do unto to others as you would have done unto you as so forth. Sometimes it seems I have to get hit on the head to see what's been right in front of my face, all the signs. You also have to pay attention to who and what people are bringing to them. If it's consistent it's probably not a fluke. As usual I digress, today was one of those days when the stars are just lined up and everything was grooving amidst the setbacks which is the way it should be. If it's right in your heart it'll shine through the dark times. So those are some of the blessings going on today. I'm just really feeling things are back on the road I had not felt under my feet for a little while. It's all good lessons and "hard times" teach you and you get really appreciative when you're appreciated through word and action.

I love this work I truly do. It didn't hurt that I was coming off such an amazing weekend of inspiration in the choice of movies in my repertoire. Good times, I really feel the blessings abounding! Hallelujah! I'm gonna bask in it, the peaks and the valleys, they're all yummy in their own way.

Sweet Truth

I had a simple epiphany today, one I'm sure or at least I hope I will have again, it was and is to be grateful for what we don't receive. The person we thought we couldn't live without but surely could live without us. The job we thought would make or break us. The glory or acceptance we crave or craved. The acknowledgment for an idea or a job well done or the truth we lament over never receiving. A kindness not repaid, or for that matter a bill. The friend, the lover, the house or car we desired but did not get. I am grateful for not receiving those things I thought I wanted. Because surely someone knows better what I need, surely in the grander, greater picture and puzzle that is the piecing together of my life I will know why things had to be the way they are, the way they turn, the way they turned. What I can't see because it's before me I can't know is better for me, more fulfilling and full of greater riches and joy than what is behind me. You cannot lose what is yours, you cannot hold what is not, you cannot fail on this road. If you look deep and lay bare what you see you cannot fail. You may hurt but you will not fail. I'm grateful for all I do not have. I have the room for all I need.