Sweet Dreams

I've been getting inspired. I had rehearsal today for the film "Canine Custody" we're filming on Monday. I have to say I love this work more than anything. It truly fills my soul. I even enjoy auditioning. I know most actors hate it. I'm not saying that it's not wonderful to just have a role given to you but having done some casting I know that just isn't how it works. It happens of course but I love auditioning because it's a chance, an opportunity to try on a character. I love just being really present in that room and giving it all you got and being part of the creation of this character. Even if you're not whom they choose you are part of creating the character. Sometimes just in not being right for it, you're helping the casting people, director, producers etc get clear on what they don't want, and therefore on what they do want. Or you could be close and that helps get them closer. Or you could be it and that's just icing on that yummy cake I call my sweet dream. It's just wonderful to be following my dream. I had that audition on Friday and it felt good, that's where that little diatribe came from.

Today we had rehearsal and I realized that this is what I want to wake up for, that and writing. It's just coming together with fellow artists and creating something together, a sculpture out of clay but we're the clay. It feels so good and to be in the room with humble people, artists bringing it to the table. I was watching Black Snake Moan just a little while ago and I have to say I loved the movie. The metaphors, the acting, the message and the work everyone put into it. I really want to do gritty revealing work like that, stuff I believe in. It got me thinking about the film " The Visit" I was producing, that's been postponed, and all your heart that goes into a project. Really and literally your soul, as an actor, as a producer. If you're doing both like I was on that project you put everything on the line your work (the pays the bills kind), your name, your time, your trust, your dreams for yourself, the project and everyone involved. The thing is I love this work. I love telling the story, finding the story, creating the story! I have a deep passion for it. It was great watching the behind the scenes of Black Snake Moan and everyone really collaborated, they worked with each other. It looked like they didn't take for granted that you don't make a film by yourself, you can't. Even a one man show takes other people. It's interesting I thought about how today looking around the table at rehearsal, I was thinking about how we are all coming together to tell this story and every single one of us is necessary and integral to the whole. Not just the actors or the writer but also the director,DP, the crew and even the location, everything is conspiring to tell the story.

I am dreaming of working on this film and others in the future. I'm dreaming about being valued and really collaborating, not just words, and how much that really feeds my soul. I know and believe it's possible. I know I will do work like Black Snake Moan, that I am really proud of. Where I am allowed and encouraged to bring my creativity to the table AND be recognized for it. These are my dreams, these are the dreams of many actors, artists. I know my dream will be reality. I feel it in my soul.

Go see and be seen

So I went on a "go see" earlier today. I was amusing myself about the term (I am wont to do so, amuse myself that is). A Go see is what commercial models or print models call an audition. It’s not an audition because you don’t sing; dance, read lines etc you go and you are seen. Or you go and see if they like you. So it usually consists of a sign in process and you fill out your measurements, hopefully you’re wearing what you were told to wear in the breakdown. The breakdown is what the agent tells you about the project i.e. who it’s for what to wear, what they’re looking for, what it pays, what dates you need to be available etc. So the sheet that you filled your measurements on also has a number, that’s how they keep track of you and you attached you comp card or headshot. Comp cards are approximately a large postcard size and include pictures of you in a variety of poses outfits and what not. I’m more of an actor so I have a headshot but as I do more print work I will get a card printed up. I actually have the pictures I just haven’t made the expenditure. It’s a business and you know you gotta spend money to make money yadda yadda. So anyway, they take your picture in a couple of poses and voila you have gone and been seen.

I was amusing myself with the term Go see because couldn’t you call anything a go see? A job interview is a go see you go see if they like you and vice versa. Or a date is a go see, you go see if you like that person’s particular brand of crazy and vice versa. You see what I mean. I guess there’s honesty in the term. Anyway so I went and was seen and I saw and hopefully conquered. If you don’t get the job they do not call you at all. But here’s to hoping. Print work is good exposure and money and it's fun!

I have to say I have respect for the photographers and the casting people. To most it may seem like an easy job at least for the casting people they sit there and look at your pictures on the computer as the photographer takes them but I was #141 and they went up to 200 I think and that’s no joke. I have cast a play and two films and honey it is not easy. I’ll go into that further another time as we cast the mother’s for our short film (By our, I mean me and my partner’s production company Clean Slate Films). It’s exhausting and when we were casting earlier this year I realized one of the reasons it’s so tiring is everyone’s hopes and dreams are coming into that room. The dreams of the actors or models, the casting directors, the producers, directors etc, it’s a creative process and there is a lot of energy in the room. All the energy, of dreams and desires it is actually palpable. Then there is the photographer who is just almost always so nice and encouraging. I think it’s so important to be aware of all the people in the room and their jobs. (I almost there jobs and one of my biggest pet peeves is the incorrect use of there, they’re and their but I digress) A genuine smile, a thank you and NO attitude is absolutely necessary in this business. At that is my two and a half cents. Should I have said two and a hay penny? Ach. Leave it alone, No one should know how oddly my mind works oh except for you who I am apparently telling.

So…I performed today. It was our second round at the Wonderland Festival. We find out tonight if we’re going to the third round. OH my chest constricts when I say it. I get so excited and mildly fearful. Really actors are a sick lot. I was talking about it behind the scenes with my fellow actor’s minutes before we went on. We were all slightly giddy and doing our breathing exercises and jerky, we got to much energy movements. I had the fear or adrenaline in my body and said to someone, you will have to explain to me one day why I can feel like this and still keep wanting to do this. Of course it’s rhetorical because I’m under the impression that we all feel the same. The fire raging up through our bodies and all this energy and excitement and then boom you’re on stage and it’s magic. It really is. I love it so much I could actually cry. I’m not kidding I’m sitting in front of my computer with tears in my eyes. Well I think that answers my own question. It’s a deep joy apparently the kind that makes you cry. Well I am grateful for the opportunity to feel scared then and everything else that comes with it. I’ll check back with you later to tell you if we made it to the third round! Cross your fingers!!