Leave My Penis Alone!

Ok I used that title on purpose for a few reasons. Has anyone else besides me been getting a lot, I mean A LOT email targeted to increase your penis size, finally make your girl happy, add inches to your c*#k and other variations on the theme? It seems that someone or several people are very concerned with my penis size and while I'm thinking Aww, how sweet you care but...I'm a GIRL! A woman actually but either way you figure it there is no need to increase my nonexistent penis. In fact you could say I'm quite satisfied with it. If it is so tiny I can't find it than, well I guess that's a good thing what with me being all set with my vagina and all.

I mean sheesh I am literally getting between 15-20 emails of either increasing my penis size or investing in this stock or another, or herbal viagra or some other pharmaceuticals. I am really tired of it all. I went looking online for ways to stop it but then you have to hook up with some other group and I am wary of that. It was mildly amusing at first but it feels like there has been an influx and it seems specifically to be going thought my website email, alas what can I do? Now that would be something useful to get adverts for in my inbox. Anyway I'm hoping there'll be some mitigation in the swarm of increase your size emails, in the meanwhile I suppose I could give it some thought.

Freedom in Truth?

So I was watching the movie the Freedom writers and I was touched and inspired by the story. I think it's hard not to be. As I was watching, amongst a multitude of feelings and tears not just for the people in the story but for my own life, revelations and struggles. I realized one that I had not felt inspired in a long time and i started to write, to pour out my feelings (not here) and I wrote for a little while and went back to the behind the scenes features. I was mulling over this blog and how it started because I want to write, to express , myself, my views, my heart and my trials. What I realized though is that I have been holding them in for fear of hurting other peoples feelings, when the truth is I'm hurt. The thing I don't want to hurt becuase I've been hurt but I do want to express. I want to stop censoring myself so that other people can feel better when I may be holding back not only my voice but someone else who may recognize themselves in me and realize they have a right to their own.

I want to recount my trials in acting, being a writer and a human being who is consciously struggling to make choices that support what I want my life to be, my art and my heart. What I was realizing though is I haven't been here not for awhile I've been hiding and just struggling to stay afloat. Holding back my emotions and thoughts so that I could, yes process them but also so as not to rock the boat. The boat that I think I was under so how could I rock it? anyway I'm going to try to write more truthfully because quite frankly if I don't then why bother there's enough fluffy crap out there I don't have to add to it. But also I think when you speak the truth it resonates and I want my voice, tune to resonate somewhere even if it's only with me. o here is a pledge to keep revealing myself even if it's scary. Even if it means I have to write through the fear of rejection. I mean hell if I've got an issue with rejection I sure picked some tough careers! Anyway that's what I had to say. Be well.

Jittery Jumping Jacks

I may have to end my love affair with coffee. Yes it's true. I'm not saying I'm going to I just may have to. I had an audition today for a Law Firm Commercial and I had just had a cup of coffee, not a good idea. You're adrenaline is already pumping at one of these things and then to have your heart racing because of a beloved drink-not good. But it went well besides my getting jittery toward the end. So as always, learning. I had another audition later for an acting troupe and it turned out the director was looking at my resume and noted my degree was in Geology and he also has an degree in Geology! How is that for odd?!! I told him if nothing else I have a story. I'm always happy to be out there meeting people, networking etc. I have rehearsal almost every day this week. So yay! I love to work!

My father is leaving for Tanzania tomorrow morning so my life is going to be shifting to a more normal schedule. I'm going to miss him but it'll be good for me to have less distractions. I've had a reduction in my client base recently so I've decided to spend more time writing. So again more of a shift toward the life I wish to be leading. Although the bills must be paid. I'm sure the universe has something good in store for me. I'm ready for the next step. Okay I'm going to sign off. Ciao.

Long Live Vigo!

That was the name of the film I shot today. I played Vanessa Vigo a jewel thief. It was a lot of fun. It was filmed using green screen technology. The basic premise is that I am a jewel thief and my co-star and love interest is a cop and that spells problems. The director was very cool and he said he'll be writing something in the future with me in mind, which is awesome. It was a good day. I also got called in for an audition today and luckily I had time to go before getting to set. Tonight the Emmy's are on, so I always like it when I'm working on the day there is an award show that I intend to be attending some day soon. It was pretty straightforward and I was able to get home and spend a little time with my Dad. I also noticed that on Mandy's.com there is an ad for the web commercial , Get U Noticed I did last year. More exposure! I'm really happy about that. I've got 2 auditions tomorrow and I am pretty exhausted. So I'll check back in tomorrow till then Ciao.

Edging Back In Slllooowwwllyy

Ok I know I went from daily posts to zero (When I was in Tanzania) to once a week. Also I'm trying to stop letting myself be distracted. I am going on auditions and go-see's and I got a film this week. I'm shooting tomorrow actually. I'm pretty excited because I get to play a jewel thief and that is fun! I've been hanging with my Dad and getting things lined up so that my dreams can be realized while I have some security.

I've also been dealing with the aftermath of having this awful woman squat at my house and my cats were emaciated. I mean even my larger cat (I will not call her fat!) lost weight which just makes me realize they were either not being fed or were so disturbed by this woman's energy that they stopped eating. So... I'm pretty bitter about that in addition to her stealing my peace of mind while I was there and hello she didn't pay so that set me back. Thank God for Karma so I have to release it to the Universe. I'm just trying to make sure I learn the lesson so that I don't have to keep going through this type of situation where I get taken advantage of. And for some reason it always involves my apartment, whether it's boyfriends or friends, so there is something for me to learn. I'm done with it! Moving on to the next lesson in store for me!

So I've got rehearsals next week, filming tomorrow and two auditions on Monday and one on Thursday so I'm plodding forward with my dreams and for that I'm grateful. i just want to add in the prosperity and good relationships but I suspect I need to apply better boundaries and learn to spot when people are out to use me. It's so boring already time for a change! Alright I'll be back tomorrow to talk about how shooting went. Ciao.

Sweet!

I had my first rehearsal for Insidious today. It was actually more of a read-through, meet your colleagues start establishing some relationships etc. I think this project is going to be life changing. I can feel it. The energy, the writer/director is awesome the people he surrounds himself with. I am learning. I think I have a gifts, talents what have you. I am kind, generous person but I keep drawing to me people who seem to use me, my generosity, kindness. I'm not sure what the lesson is for me but I am discovering it. I am ready to learn this lesson so I can move on. I mean why do I draw people like that to me? Why would I draw that subleter to me? Squatter really because subleter suggests she gave money to me! Ha! God I just have to remind myself that what goes around comes around. Anyway, I want to surround myself with amazing creative people who respect me and my work, as I respect them. I had such a great experience today, we read through the scene and did improvisation. It was so delicious, it's the stuff that feeds my soul. I was just thinking that what is important with this work outside of the obvious love and passion, is humility and appreciation. But true humility and the willingness to be taught and share the spotlight. Maybe I'm full of s**t but it's what I'm feeling at the moment.

I have to get back into the rhythm of writing everyday. I am just getting back into the swing of things this week. People are just coming back from August and Labor day vacations. Things have really just felt surreal. I've come back and I feel like I'm ready for August in the city! But hello I had August in Africa! I can't completely describe what it feels like to be in the city in August but I'll give you my rendition. If it's not blisteringly hot and humid, August is kind of nice in the city. Anyone who can get away does so the city just feels quiet. I just go to the museums and walk through the park and write. My business is usually pretty slow and I just roll with it. I like that feeling. When September rolls around the vibe just changes, I guess I kind of have the school mentality. I still think in semesters, of course I trained at Columbia University for years so my life did revolve around semesters up until very recently. I only left about4 months ago. So I guess that feels odd as well, not having the feeling that "school" is about to start up again.

So I am settling into the groove that I wish for my life to have going to rehearsal, talking to producers, other directors and lining up projects, writing, working out. Speaking of working out I got my ass kicked in a boxing class yesterday. I started to see spots and I almost passed out. So I had to leave the class which was no fun but instead of feeling like a big loser. I am now taking a boxing class everyday or kick boxing, it's partly research for my character and just good exercise. I felt a new resolve after that class and I took an intro to boxing class today and tomorrow it's gonna be kick boxing. Anyway life is sweet and I am writing a few articles regarding my trip so I'll share them later. I'll see you tomorrow. Ciao.

I'm Back Baby!!

Whew! I am back from traveling to Africa for 24 days! It was wonderful, enlightening, beautiful, exciting etc etc. I'm just now getting settled from jet lag but really I've been more messed up from the Malarone. It's got to be the anti-malaria pills than the jet lag because I've been away for a month in a foreign country (in Italy) and never felt quite like this. I was dizziness and slightly nauseous up until today yummy huh? I actually stopped taking the pill becuase i just couldn't take it anymore. I would bend down to get something and whoosh I would feel totally unsteady or just walking around. It's like perpetually being on a boat. I feel very out of practice in detailing my life, I mean it's been a month!! I figure I will give my take on my trip over the course of...my life! I mean how do you sum up this life changing trip in one blog?

I do have great news on the acting front. I actually was offered a role in the Romantic Troubadour Entertainment's next film "Insidious". I had auditioned on wed right before my trip and was told by the director I would definitely be called back for a second audition and I found out two weeks later when I was able to get to the internet, there's not a big internet thing happening out tin the middle of the Serengeti, that I was offered the role the very next day!! How exciting is that!!??? Also I had to turn down a role in the horror movie I had auditioned for the last week in July because the production dates conflicted with my trip. But the director told me to call him when I got back. Also the TV show "Tempting Joanna" is going to continue production and tale it in another direction or at least make sure all the production is done before shopping it which I am happy about. I received a phone call yesterday to do work for Good Day New York but it conflicted with our first read through of the script for Insidious so I couldn't do it but it felt good to be called. I know good things are coming.

Ok I just wanted to stop in, I'll be back later to talk about my nightmare sublet/squatter situation that really affected my piece of mind on this trip. Till then Ciao and it good to be back!