Ahhh

Well I've fallen in love, yup I have with... a coyote. The love has become so deep that it willed me to write again. You can check out my new love at The Daily Coyote. So when did I fall in love so deeply and completely that I was moved to write again well today. I was checking out my daily doses of cuteness, my staples are either Cute Overload or I can has cheezburger
or to be honest it's both. So I found my baby love on Cute Overload and well I went to the blog and really haven't quite left. I kept a tab open all day so I could check in on the cuteness when I'm working or puttering about come back to his picture and have my heart become all full and smushy all over again. so you can go and see for yourself why I'm in love and let you have your own experience.

So where have I been? Certainly having experiences and growing but pretty much holding it in for the processing. I had an experience that where I felt wounded and I needed to process it and get to a place where I guess I felt safe enough to start sharing again. Hmmm it's not altogether unusual to think that I would be moved by love to break open my cocoon. I have discovered in order to work and be my best, I not only need to trust myself and prepare and be fully present but I also need to feel respected. Interestingly I had an experience this weekend where I didn't feel very respected and I resorted to old ways of dealing with it just bury it and show a good face. Essentially, hide your emotions and deal, a very human animal way to deal with things as opposed to a human spirit place where I could just remove myself from the situation. I am not suggesting that anyone did anything wrong it was a wonderful learning experience for me. I am so grateful I was able to identify the situation for what it was and most importantly my old habitual way of dealing with it.

It's interesting you can grow and evolve and seemingly move forward but not the way you do when you get the opportunity to see, really see yourself in light of the way you are used to reacting. Does that make any sense? It was such a gift to see where I was and where I am even though I reacted in a typical way, the grand joy of it...is I realized it!! Anyway so back to realizing that respect goes both ways so if I'm not feeling respected or loved where am I not giving respect or love, or where am I not respecting or loving myself, asking for what I want, putting up with less than I deserve? So this past month when I've been awol I've been exploring that and discovering where I stand with these ideas in my work, with myself, my personal life. It's been a great time of trial and error and exploration.

Anyway I am doing some great things and I am excited to tell you all about tomorrow but today I just wanted to jump back in the pool and tomorrow I'll share a backstroke with you. In the meantime be blessed, respected and loved... by you! Ciao.

Rain Sweet Rain!

I love the rain. Not so much in how my feet get wet or what it does to my hair. But I love how it forces you to slow down. It gives me the luxury, the right to sleep in, to revel in having a day off. It gave me the excuse to not feel guilty about not wanting to do anything. To just watch movies and plan for how I want my life to unfold and develop, evolve if you will. I got clear on some things I want and perhaps will make room for in my life and I also was deliciously happy about what is not in my life. I am very content and yet well not completely. But my lack of content gives me an opportunity to create that which I wish for rather than a space for feeling lacking. The rain made me slow down enough today to appreciate it as I sipped a coffee in Starbucks rather than rushing to an appointment as I am usually. The rain came down and I enjoyed it. Tomorrow its auditions again and various other commitments but today was just for me and the sweet rain.

Been a Long Time Baby

Wow I've been tired! Last week was a great week, very busy and wonderful. I worked 4 different acting jobs, all paid encompassing, film, print, TV and a commercial. It was great and I still trained my clients so it was full and exhausting. I've been recuperating this week and by recuperating I mean auditioning like crazy and I now see some my clients as early as 5:30am!! Which means, when you're getting home off a shoot at 1am it's a quick turn around time but I'm happy so really there's no complaints. However that is why you haven't heard from me.

I have met some really awesome people though and of course i manage to find or be attracted to people on set who are having these wonderful metaphysical, broad minded discussions and debates. Very stimulating and of course I'm staying aware of the people who talk the talk but don't walk the walk. It's all a journey but I am aware of those who may be looking to latch onto my bandwagon and suck the life outta me! Speaking of which I did have someone try to do that with a project recently and get my opinions and insights is how I believe they put it and having been down that road, being a muse, teacher and sounding board only to be used, abused and whoops no compensation or contract and I'm out in the cold. The beautiful thing, because I just see these things as lessons is I got the opportunity to see it come at me again so quickly and make the choice that supports me. Not that I won't be a producer in the future, I absolutely will I just have to be aware of people who are users. I have to open my eyes, if someone is using every one else around them then they're probably using me too. Anyway I'm grateful for the lessons at this level because I know where I'm going and the lessons would be harsher as I play with the big fish.

So I'm really happy with where my career is going. I am eager for the next project and I will be in touch more often even if it means a quick little note at 1am after I get home from being on set! Hell yeah I love being tired for these reasons! Ciao.

Switcheroo

I am engaging in what is what I consider to be an event in a New York City apartment. The Summer to Fall/Winter changeover. It is akin to the also monumental Winter to Spring/Summer changeover. This is the event, the former, when you dig out of your closets (if you're lucky enough to have them) and under your bed and anywhere you have craftily stowed away your Fall/Winter gear. Now this is an event because closet space, again if you're blessed enough to have it, is a commodity in New York and I have 3 closets to myself, Hallelujah! I have always joked with my girlfriends and with past boyfriends love is sharing closet space especially in New York. If I am willing to give up space in my closet or dressers for you, however little that is tantamount to a proposal. Ok maybe not but it's up there. And anytime they have left or been kicked out even if I'm mourning a broken heart I AM HAPPY to have my closets back, can I get an Amen! No really I'm being serious and I know the ladies out there hear me.

You'd think this could be a part of an Olympic event or something maybe, the packing category? I don't know but I would excel in that category and bring home the gold. I am an excellent packer in my house and when I travel or organize my clothes because as I have stated space is important! So the event it lasts about a week long if you're busy and have any kind of life. That or I have a lot of clothes. I'm going with the combination of the two. although like any other girl I don't have enough. But also Autumn is my favorite season, I love the colors and tones. I love that you can start wearing jackets and scarves but its not really cold yet, so there are more clothing options. Also because once it's cold I hibernate and you probably won't see me again until spring although I love the whole Winter accessory thing. Yeah I know it sounds silly but I love the matching scarves, hats and gloves. So I'm a little bit of a fashion whore.

Anyway the change over is also a little like a "spring cleaning" for me a reordering of life. It's also coinciding of a real boom of work for me and I am grateful and so excited.I've been sort of in a place where the choices I made in who I trusted have not borne great fruit. I decided to learn my lessons put my faith only in God and in my passions, not people, shoot God can help them himself. Naw I'm kidding but not really. I am feeling like I am emerging from a cocoon and some real life lessons, alas when aren't we if we are determined to grow and evolve. and one thing I know I am is determined and it's all about shedding the old Lise and growing into the new and improved and hopefully wiser but not bitter. No person nor situation will take away my flame! Anyway it just feels like all this hard work is really coming to fruition and I am so blessed. I shot a commercial this weekend, which I am not at liberty to discuss due to confidentiality agreements and I'm shooting a print ad and another commercial spot this week. I've been offered two roles and another project that sort of disappeared has reappeared AND we start filming Insidious this week. That was the project I auditioned for the day before I left for Africa and was offered while I was there. So I am feeling wonderfully over joyed but not overwhelmed and like my dreams are unfolding before my eyes while new ones are forming.

So I gotta get back to replacing my open toes sandals for boots, which I just love, I am such a boot girl. Maybe it has something to do with preferring a more solid, sure footing which is what I feel like is happening in my professional life and that my dear is the real switcheroo. I'll catch you later when I come up for air from under my sweaters and the great joy of working this week! Till then ciao. A bien tot.

Whew!

What a week and more it has been! I was just thinking last week I did two music video's, one on Monday for the singer Esthan Aman, the other for Ron Eliran on Saturday. Both were completely different, one was in a different language and more Glam and the other was well less Glam, much less, in fact I was crawling around in the sand. In the first I was in a club/lounge enjoying myself listening to the band and the other I played a soldier missing her daughter. Radically different roles, settings etc. Then today I had an all day shoot for Manhattan Plaza health club showcasing the various classes, equipment they have. It was a lot of fun, great group of people and we got paid to exercise all day! Heck yeah! Then we start filming next week for "Insidious" I am feeling very blessed.

It's been a great week or so for work. I've also been auditioning a lot so we'll see what happens. I am however exhausted and I think I may sleep tonight...famous last words. But it my intention. Actually it's always my intention and if there were just a switch, not unlike a light switch I would be a happy woman. If I could just shut my brain down. I am going to try to get in bed by like 8 so I can get to sleep at a respectable 11:30. My problem is I get a second not unlike I did when I used to wait tables. My body gears up if I don't go to sleep when I'm tired which today would have been 6pm and I'm raring to go for another 6-8 hours. The other problem and I've actually read about this is I think I can go something like 22-26 hours and then sleep for 10-12 and do it again. Even if i only slept 2 hours at night, if I get an hour nap in it keeps me going for another 10 hours. Blah Blah Anyway I'm going to go see what I can accomplish so I can get to sleep tonight. Operation get Lise to sleep at night is in effect. Ciao.

Roots or Rooted?

An old friend remarked to me that I may constrain myself with the mention of being a born and bred New Yorker. It got me to thinking. I wonder if it constrains me or puts me in a box. I was under the impression that it took me out of one, rather gave me context rather than narrowed my vision or me. Growing up in New York meant to me that I didn't play in a 1/2 acre backyard but rather a very large one-central park and becuase I grew up on the upper west side I also had riverside park. To me it meant I had access to the world's finest art, opera's, plays, musicals all at an age where I didn't know enough to appreciate it but could soak it up. In a way that it became and was, is part of me. I had rather worldly parents my Mother from Haiti and well educated and my Father from Oklahoma also well educated, well traveled and had spent 3 years in the peace corps living in Tanzania.

I felt growing in New York that I was at the edge of something, a springing point, the end of a diving board where I could jump into anywhere in the world. I grew up with every kind of cuisine you could imagine and every color, language and sexual preference was to be seen around me. When I say I'm a born and raised New Yorker I'm saying I grew up in a melting pot and it melted with me and in me. As a little girl I had friends of every creed with parents that spoke a multitude of languages sometimes not including English. A good portion of my friends were bilingual essentially since birth. My first word was not in English. I love that I'm from here because wherever you go int the world they've heard of my town. They know where it is. I also love that although I can "do" a New Yawk accent, I don't speak with one. I attribute that to my parents varied upbringing and that they two both speak at least 2 languages fluently. Not that elsewhere in the world that's not common but in America? Less so .

The comment got me to thinking what did it mean to me that I was born here. I decided it meant to me I am citizen of the world and I have always thought so. Because that's just what I've always thought and what I've been exposed to. Yes because I traveled extensively as a child but also becuase I only had to go down to the bodega where the Arabs where offering to trade me from my father for 13 cows when I was 13. I still don't if they and my father were just teasing me, I think so because they were friends with my family. Or the Koreans who run the other bodega across the street to get an education in diversity. Or listen to the salsa music in the summer coming from the center island in the middle of Broadway. The music, the drums would waft up to my room as I sweat to death because air conditioning was not prevalent then. I guess when I say I'm a born and raised New Yorker I'm talking about all those experiences that you can't describe but are in your bones, in your soul. I would not want to have grown up anywhere else, not for a backyard, not for anything.

Innocence Lost

I had the misfortune this evening of wandering into my living room and seeing one cat sitting on my couch intently looking at the other. Now this in and of itself is not so much a problem but usually when one of them is doing this it means he or she is going to pounce on the other. That is something I really enjoy becuase I find it amusing when they spar. It seems to me they don't take it too seriously, at least later they don't, at the time they seem committed but it seems to end after the "match " is done. Now this time was peculiar because the intent felt different to me and much to my chagrin I was right. As I passed my coffee table I found my boy cat Oliver eating what I discovered to be a mouse. I was able to make this assertion because there was a tail but...not much else.

I was very displeased. For many reasons not the least of which was I had to be the one to get rid of it and unlike waterbug's which I can kill (not without very loud and unceremonious screaming), cover with something and then hope someone comes along to dispose of it for me. I cannot seem to dispose of them, it has something to do with an irrational deadly fear of them. Wait I take that back if you've ever seen one flying you'd not think it irrational. The fear might also have something to do with my mother on my first encounter in my own apartment with them, as I was trying to see if I could get my younger brother to come over and kill it for me, flippantly said " you'd better kill it they like hair"!!! Of which (hair that is) I've got loads and it's of the curly and big kind that screams get lost in me at little to small animals it does or so I imagine. Anyway, I had to take this mouse away from him, it was thankfully on a piece of cardboard so I was able to get it a without dying a little, i.e. touching it in anyway. I didn't cry or scream and for this I want to take note, for this is progress. But conversely, I am oddly calm which leads me to believe I am actually in shock and not yet dealing with it.

So why innocence lost you may ask? It just made me realize that one, there's the possibility of mice in my apartment, not a terribly pleasurable thought but also that this was not the first time. It means the time I found a tail only, a couple of years ago that the mouse probably didn't get away as I had hoped and never returned but rather that he didn't return but rather resided in another in my house i.e. in one of my cats. Yecch! And the time I came home and a very odd looking upchuck I found on my floor (when you have cats you get used to various hairball configurations etc) that I felt looked a little like it once had eyes and various organs, probably did. You see it's a little like what I imagine it feels like to a parent to realize your child who is very much an adult has sex. It's not so much that you're surprised but that you look at them differently. That's how I feel right now, my cat was supposed to be a creature that may play with a random mouse (that again I am unhappy to be reminded I may have more of, visitors I'm not pleased about but residents...that's another story) but not eat them. Perhaps my innocence is lost and not theirs . I can't pretend my cats are Grey furry little sweethearts but rather carnivore's of other furry grey things. Ugh. Things will never be the same, I will never be the same.